Rejuvenating On A Monday

Wasn't it just a week ago I was half-asleep wandering to Lisa's because she had to drop Silvia to LAX at 5:30 in the morning and I had to watch Johnnie... and take him to school... and take Lisa to her medical appointment? Today I finally got to make up for the past couple of weeks of hecticity (is that a word?). I got into the usual Monday meditative space. But instead of just focusing on the week and how I visualized it to be eezy-peezy, I also got to focus on other things. Mainly about the root causes of my own FEAR and ANGER. It seemed like I was getting gently nudged into examining these negative emotions that still permeate my day-to-day.  Which is why I went back and sort of created a logo. Create AMAZING. That is what I want to be the cornerstone thought of my day-to-day. And because I was able to focus on that I think, I had one of those contemplative in-the-moment kind of days typical of some Fridays. Maybe it was because I had just done all the must-do stuff this morning yesterday already. That would be approving timecards, doing the HRSA Survey, vaccine stock, blah blah. It made for a clear morning. Of course I still had to do steps as per routine. But I found that to be effortless too. As in I was already at 65+ active minutes after just 5000 steps by 9 AM. Even the rest of the morning seemed to be spent on RELEASING. Ego Dissolution. Letting go of FEAR and ANGER trapped in my physical body. AND also focusing on the images I want. How it would feel knowing I have optimal health and having no worries about any disease. Not thinking about the stuff I had focused on in my urinary system practically most of this year to date. How it would feel if I had created financial flow such that I don't have to work for a job anymore. And this morning would be what it is like EVERY MORNING. That put a smile on my face. I DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID. I AM ENOUGH. and THE UNIVERSE ALWAYS HAS MY BACK. In the meantime, I THANK my SMALLER SELF or EGO or whatever it is that creates chaos in my life. IT GOT ME TO PAY ATTENTION. Even Lisa's dramatics is something PUSHED OUT and NEEDS ATTENTION. Maybe not Lisa even specifically. But my own attention. I know i will get tested. My work is to stay the course.

A Breakthrough With Lisa?

So Johnnie woke me up at 6:15 this morning asking when I was coming over for breakfast. I found that odd to be honest. He NEVER wakes up that early with me. I was pretty sure Lisa was still asleep even. Anyway, I dozed off another hour and at 7:30 I decided to go over to Lisa's to see what was happening. As far as I knew I was still imvited to breakfast and there were no signs from last night that Lisa was in the midst of one of her usual funks. How wrong was I... As soon as I got there, Johnnie was already in high energy running around and I could tell Lisa still hadn't gotten up out of bed. As soon as Johnnie saw me, I knew he shifted into Saturday-with-dad mode. I could hear him go upstairs and tell Lisa "I'm going with my dad to his house".  Unable to decide on what to do next because I didn't want to set Lisa off, what I did instead was what set her off. I asked her if I could  take Johnnie with me to get my car washed. Old memories of Lisa holding me hostage pre-Johnnie when she would just not know how to function on a Sunday morning when I'm trying to get out of the house to get to golf was one of the biggest reasons our relationship started to fray and fall apart. She started to do that most Sundays. And I hated it. Boy I HATED it. She immediately flew downstairs and started to go agro about me taking her son while we were simply supposed to have breakfast. She was really stuck on the breakfast idea I suppose. I simply thought she wasn't going to have breakfast because she was in a depressed funk on her own bed.  I wanted to leave it be and not be around her. She started to yell and complain like the Lisa of old,  I'm being self-centered, I'm this I'm that. Then she targeted everybody else. Her staff, her patients, even Tom Gordon. My first knee-jerk reaction was to just get the hell out of there. Even Johnnie had bugged out and retreated to the piano room poor thing. I made it to my car and then realized that my phone wasn't in it. I left it in Lisa's house. Shit. I had to go back and get it. And she was still in the middle of her rant. Damn, why couldn't I find my phone?!! And then suddenly I decided to just sit on the couch and let her rant away. Bleh bleh bleh. And in a moment of enlightenment, I decided her rant wasn't towards me. She was angry. But not at me. She was just angry. And that anger needed an outlet. I simply didn't need to let it be me. Wow. Maybe all those morphic fields on energy shields and protecting myself must have taken effect. Because I was simply able to watch her as an observer, instead of the object of her rant. And from there, I actually asked her the right questions to interrupt her pattern and got her off her downward slide. I simply reminded her that most people will always think about themselves, and some can be assholes about it. Some asshole behavior you can't accept. Like some of her patients. Some, like Tom Gordon, like her dad, or her mom, you have to because they're family. And with that moment of illumination I got her back to normal. Wow. She even made us all breakfast. She made us scrambled eggs, sour dough toast for Johnnie, warmed up a pastry, made green tea. And we actually had a pretty pleasant breakfast leading into her going to her Pilates class at 9 AM. Like nothing happened. And today I'm happy to report, nothing did. I washed the dishes, played with Johnnie. Actually I let him watch MegaMind and I did my steps outside in the grass. Nostalgically held my old surfboard from way way back in the day. I stayed out there until I heard the garage door go up, indicating Lisa was coming home. Off came the TV, out to the grass came Johnnie, plop on the backyard chair went Lisa. And I told her I was going to the grocery store. Meaning: time to clock in. Only I didn't say anything to that effect. Anything I say sets her off, then the solution is simple. Say as little as possible. Just exit. By this time it was only 10:30 anyway. I still had a full day ahead of me and I had already spent some time with Johnnie. And best of all, I was able to turn around a Lisa agro episode. Does that count as a breakthrough. Today it does. It sure does. 

What did I do the rest of the day? A whole bunch of nothing actually. On the couch, tried to take a nap but instead got immersed in morphic field videos. Today I was focusing on workout, muscle-building fields having gotten an awareness that maybe I had lost too much weight too fast. I mean my clothes are totally falling off of me. I think maybe I need a little more meat on my bones. I'm looking a little too skinny and I do not have the strength I used to have and I want it to not drop off so much. I mean I can remember benching 135 lbs just a few years ago. Oh wait, we were still at the Westwood apartment. That means it's almost 6 years ago. Wow. Still I do not accept that I've gotten that much weaker in 6 years. I simply need to work out more. And today I did the auto morphic field on upper body workout. I didn't venture out until it was 5 PM and I headed to Marina del Rey because I wanted to go to Ralphs over there to see if they had those pea protein meat substitute. Turned out they didn't but while I was here anyway, might as well get some fish tacos for the 2nd night in a row, but this time at Rubio's. Not going to worry about the carbs in the tortillas so much.  Not anymore for a bit I don't think. And then I went on home and watched some more YouTube videos. Yeah it turned out to be a pretty quiet Saturday after all. And after this morning I'm not complaining at all. 

Balance on A Saturday

So I was supposed to go to Lisa's this morning so I could watch Johnnie while she went to a Pilates class. I was happy to do that if only to spend what time I could with him this weekend. I just want to practice creating a great hour with him to anchor the weekend with. No planning, no nothing, let's see if I can come up with MAGIC. When I got there, mom and son had barely gotten out of bed. No problem there, Lisa worked until late last night. She has of course earned sleeping in for as late as possible this morning. And so now I get to make Johnnie HIS breakfast this morning. Of course I had already gotten my juice from Whole Foods by this time so I'm all good.  I was also thinking that while I had a great B/P reading last night, I also made it through the night without getting up once and going to the bathroom. Hmm. Fancy that. That hasn't happened in a really long time too. Pretty cool that I am getting in balance physically. And SO, while Lisa headed off to her Pilates class, I made Johnnie his sourdough bread breakfast. Funny how he eats way differently when he's at this house than when he is at mine. I gave him a glass of milk to top that off and fill him up. Look at the pic of him in the foyer eating his breakfast.  Pretty cool shot I thought. And then when he got done for breakfast, I let him watch a couple of episodes of Dragon Rescue Riders. Give him a treat for his Saturday with his mom. And then of course we were simply goofing off and horseplaying. He's not so easy to ward off or fend off anymore since he is getting bigger. And I'm sure he has fun throwing his body around with abandon when trying to take something from me that I'm keeping away from him. When Lisa got back from Pilates exactly 45 minutes later, we were playing around that way. She made a comment about breakfast and I sit there just chuckling inwardly about what would make her think we would make her breakfast while she was out. It's that old, you have to think of me program I think. And that's fine. I happily got up and made her sourdough toast too. And Johnnie joined in and made her coffee. And so in the end, Lisa got her dream morning. She sat in the couch relaxed with breakfast while Johnnie and I were playing our animal word game in the dining room. Even Lisa commented that this was her ideal morning. And then Lisa asked me to come along and walk Claire to her dog groomers a couple of blocks down the road. I was happy to do that of course. Wby not get my steps in right now? And so it was that by the time we got back, we actually added a nice family walk in too, even as Lisa had to pick up Claire's poop with grass because she forgot to bring a poop bag. By the time I drove home, I was thinking to myself: How about that... I got more than just a Magic Hour with Johnnie, I got a nice morning with Johnnie AND Lisa too. I will take that any time.

I made a detour at Whole Foods to pick up lunch. And that was probably the only not-so-good thing that happened today. I picked up some Beyond crumbles and also some veggie fettuccini that was made without flour. It was supposed to be ready to eat in 1 minute and 45 seconds. But I didn't pul the fettuccini together and I undercooked it. And then I overcooked the crumbles. And so my vegetarian fettuccini bolognese ended up being an I'm-just-glad-I-have-something to eat plate. It was terrible. And the fettucini alone cost me  $8. That's compared to $2 for the regular pasta. Boy, eating healthy sure is more expensive sometimes isn't it? I then decided to take a little nap for the afternoon. And what happened during this was probably one of the best hours of theta meditation I have ever done. I did some image cycling and I knew I was doing it. But my Fitbit registered that I had taken an hour-an-and-half nap. That was very cool to do. And afterwards I felt very much refreshed! So much so I decided to walk to Trader Joe's to do grocery shopping. Not just that though, that would also help me finish my steps for the day. And so by the time I got back I felt that I already had had a pretty nice and balanced Saturday. And I concluded it with watching Power of the Dog, of the films nominated for the Oscars happening tomorrow night. It had at least a dozen nominations. You figured it would be this awesome movie. It was a movie about a cowboy in the 1920s who was pretty tough and pretty much of an asshole with his brother's wife and son. I did NOT see the significance of this story. Was it a feel good story? Nope. Did it have a redeeming lesson? Nope, other than you better not come in contact with anthrax. There were some hints about sexuality as in Brokeback Mountain. A whole bunch of men stuck in one place for a very long time can lead to stuff I suppose. Was the story relatable? Nope. What do I care about an asshole cowboy in the 1920s? Was it well-acted? Yes. Benedict Cumberbatch is an excellent actor.  But I  would not see this movie just to see this particular acting performance. After all, I'm already used to seeing him as Dr. Strange. The bottom line is I don't know why it got all these Oscar nominations. We; will have to see what/if it wins anything tomorrow night. In the meantime, I went to bed thinking I had a pretty nice Saturday didn't I?