Last Day of 2022

I was up really early today, because I was in the middle of some nice alpha meditation and stuff came up to my awareness that I had to write down. Like at 5:30 AM in the morning. I actually had gotten up at 4:44 to go pee. Significant only because of the 444 thing and I realize that is the time that I can actually connect with my Higher Self best. Boy did I. I had some A-Ha thoughts that I had to write down as a separate post. And I felt really good about finally getting to the root of some of my issues. It's not like I have not been aware of them before. But this time feels different. Like I peeled a bunch of layers of the onion that makes me who I am. And it WAS uncomfortable. Which really encourages me because unless I can feel the discomfort, then how would I know what to heal? It also gave a really huge context to the argument Lisa and I had on the drive to San Diego. I feel like most of that was on me now. Yes I know she said she felt attacked. Yes I know she could have been less confrontational. But I let my own emotions get away from me is the bottom line. And so fortunately it was the sound of Johnnie crying in the back seat that shook me to my core, and slapped me back to rationality. Now I know not only to work on my tone, but also to work on my reaction. I need to practice defusing US as in Lisa and I. Little did I know I would get another chance later on. As in today. I didn't make any plans today actually, nor did I even expect to see Lisa and Johnnie for the rest of the weekend. Heck it was raining cats and dogs when I got up. I was perfectly happy to just stay in, have some nice hot tea and keep doing internal work. After all, it IS the last day of 2022. Usually I do an end-of-year review. Usually I also do a 2023  reset in terms of outcomes I want to experience. But I didn't do those, at least not today. I didn't even end up staying home, not from mid-morning on. I had it in my mind that I was going to buy pajamas today. My existing ones are so old I can not even keep them on, the elastic has worn out. In fact, I looked around the apartment and decided to get rid of stuff that I could replace with much more functional things. Like the carpet I have in front of the stove that is now disgustingly dirty. I bought a new mat on Amazon. And I thought I'd get new pajamas from Target. So I went to the one on Sepulveda. I ended up getting grocery stuff instead. No pajamas my size. At least I was close enough to Sprouts so I could get some more grocery shopping done. Hmmm.... at least I know I'll have food for tomorrow if everything is closed right? I didn't give up on those pajamas just yet. Nothing at Target Culver City? I decided to go to Target Westwood. They had more stock alright. Just not in my size!! Damn!! Oh well... just so it wasn't a total loss I decided to stop at Tacos 1986 and get a bunch of carne asada tacos. It was drizzling all this time but I managed to keep reasonably dry. When I got home I got a call from Lisa inviting me over for dinner. I guess mom and son had gone to Pilates and was just now eating lunch. I agreed to come over at 6:30 PM and also decided to bring all of dinner. Lisa didn't have any food in the house after all. And so I went to Ralphs AGAIN and this time got a turkey breast already cooked. That made it easy. I also bought those mini potatoes and broccoli and mushrooms AND I bought shrimp. With cocktail sauce this time. Oh and an apple pie too. Can't forget dessert. For Johnnie, I went home and cooked a bunch of penne pasta for his chicken noodle soup. I went over there promptly at 6:30 and there was Lisa on her computer, apparently trying to book her flight to Italy with Heidi.  Yep, she's actually going over there to pick up her grand piano. Johnnie was on the couch supposedly with a headache, though I was 100% sure he was playing something up. I made the veggies, and laid everything out. But of course we had to wait for Lisa to get done. I tried to see what was wrong with Johnnie but I decided he was fine. I was 99% sure all of this was simply to get his mom's attention. Which of course she wasn't giving him any. Until she got done with booking her flights and then she yanked Johnnie off the couch, took him upstairs and gave him medicine. Of course I was uncomfortable with all this. But I was also NOT going to start an argument. This was my chance to undo the karma from this past week and I was not going to let myself get derailed no matter what Lisa threw at me. Or what I allowed to get thrown at myself more accurately. I EXPECTED Lisa to be out of balance. And I simply went with the flow. She had some mean words about the penne pasta (disgusting was the word she used, though I don't know why). Instead of reacting, I simply asked her what made it "disgusting" because it looked fine to me. I didn't even care about her answer. And in the end she was able to coax Johnnie to come down and have dinner with us, though not on the table. And he ate THREE bowls of penne. Yep, that supposedly "disgusting" thing that I brought over LOL.  And we actually ended up having a pretty good dinner. Afterwards, Johnnie wanted to watch Ratatouille, which we had watched partially at the hotel while Lisa was stewing downstairs taking a walk to clear her head. Another reverse karma event. Only Lisa didn't watch at first. She had to do whatever busy work she needed to do in order to calm herself down. That would be cleaning the kitchen, starting a load of laundry, whatever. I simply told myself that she was trying to calm herself down. And when she did, she asked if we could start the movie over. And hearing her laugh over some of the scenes meant that we did it! We were able to change the energy of the evening from where it was when I first walked in. When I left it was 10 PM already. And it was still raining hard. That was probably why there were really not that many sounds of fireworks in the neighborhood or the city. Just like a normal evening tonight then. Except that we pulled off a New Year's Eve dinner with my family. Can not complain about that!