A Great Day and then BAM! Relapse...

This shaped up to be a pretty good day at first.  It's Monday, I started with some meditation and tried to be intentional with today and with the rest of the week. Nothing big on tap with my schedule. Looked fairly routine actually. AND after more than a week with no bleeding episodes I was finally thinking I could once again put all that behind me. I got up and took a walk to Mar Vista Park. And watched all the folks doing Tai Chi on the basketball court, right next to a group of guys playing basketball. Just a July summer morning and it hadn't gotten hot just yet. And so I walked and walked and got to my usual 5000+ steps and 45 active minutes by 9:30. There wasn't really anything urgent today except that I had to start finalizing performance reviews and I never look forward to that. Except for my own of course LOL. And so I cruised through the morning, even made myself plant-based bean and vegetable and meat dish for lunch. AND kept on going with my steps through the afternoon. You never know when Lisa is going to drop something and tell me I need to watch Johnnie or something like that. So far, it's just waiting to hear from her until 6:30 hen I head over there anyway. I walked to Ralphs too and got some more stuff for the week, mainly Johnnie's ice cream LOL and looked forward to a non-event kind of Monday. Which would have been nice since this weekend turned out to be heavy with activity. And then somehow my quiet Monday got turned upside down.  

I was doing the later stages of my step routine and got to 12,000+ steps already and it wasn't 5:30 PM yet. But I noticed my heart rate started to elevate and my active steps ramped up quickly. I didn't think anything about it since I do this normally. I just thought it was hot out. But it felt like a couple of Sundays ago at Harbor when it was so hot and I had a bleeding episode right on the golf course. And true enough, I started to feel thick stuff ooze out of my penis. yep, it was blood again. Now that I am a bit used to this, there as no panic. In fact, my very first thought was that I had overexerted myself. Is there such a thing? Could I be doing TOO many steps? Especially since I had lost that weight? I mean this was not a trickle. It was like that Wednesday when it first started happening again a few weeks ago. DAMN! Obviously I had to stop and rest and also reflect. Was it really overexertion? Or was it overexertion of a different kind? I noted that I started doing morphic fields again on a pretty heavy dose this morning. Could it be my body doing a flush? I searched for patterns. Could it be because I was around Dexter yesterday and illness was a point of focus? When did it happen exactly? Right after I hit 12,000 steps but maybe by then I had already stretched myself thin with the morphic fields. I noted that I was sitting down and working on my Mac. Did i scratch and rupture something on the surface? Regardless of the cause I was disappointed it is happening again. It did not hit me at all that i was experiencing a medical emergency. After all, I was not in any pain at all, just now the tip of my penis was scratchy. I went ahead to Lisa's house to do the Johnnie pick-up. And pretended like nothing was happening. Because really, was there anything happening? Just something I hadn't deciphered just yet. When I got there I ran into Vicky, Lisa's mom who was making cookie dough with Johnnie. She was apparently looking at resumes for a replacement hire. I waited for her to get done and then I picked up Claire and Johnnie's stuff and headed on home. By this time, I was back to peeing clots and then normal pee. Which at least assured me it wasn't anything really serious still. Besides through the panic in my amygdala I reminded myself that my body heals everything, and that all I needed to do was get into alpha state to access higher intelligence. Hard as hell to do when your ego-self is trying to distract you with FEAR and WORRY and chaos. You can imagine making sure blood wasn't seeping througn my underwear was forefront on my mind when I picked up Johnnie at the soccer field. Although nothing happened <it NEVER does outside my apartment...another point to remember>, I still felt like I am in the middle of healing. And I guess I will have to leave it at that for tonight and for the rest of the week. Sigh.