Healing

When I took a step back and saw in perspective all these things, all these negative energies in my awareness, I was better able to understand what the heck was going on with my physical body. I affirm that everything is energy, even our physical bodies and I can't underestimate the effects of FEAR, WORRY, ANGER, DISHARMONY and the connections to past events, past energies have taken some toll. Even all the Director vs C's stuff have a connection to my experiences in the past. I got laid off too a couple of times, both at USC and I don't know that pain from those experiences have had some bubbling up effect. And so now I simply need to focus on the healing. Just thinking about that brought about some circumstances this morning I thought. I went to the FRB since it was a Wednesday and I thought I'd just come for the morning. I also attended the HIMP final check-in this morning knowing full well some of the stuff that happened yesterday is bound to come up. And probably by me LOL. And it did. There were only 3 attendees at the meeting but since 2 of us were at the meeting yesterday, it did get brought up and I think simply doing that helped validate that we still have a ways to go as an organization in terms of trust and transparency. The next step is up to us and what WE want to do. The second circumstance was that Eloisa popped into the office that I had commandeered, which was my old office and had a chat with me. We already spoke on the phone last night and still we hadn't chatted in a while. She said she felt like I was avoiding her. I didn't want to say that I wasn't one to seek anyone out in the first place and especially now that she is CEO, she would be the last person I would seek out. Simply because of the title. But I felt like we did have a pretty nice conversation about what my opinions were on why we were 'stuck' as an organization. Stuck as in not progressive enough to be able to trust each other. I think it's something we have to learn. It's something that is earned. And maybe Marina and Dr Liao are simply in too much of a learning mode themselves to have earned that. AND we still have to learn to be less confrontational towards them and express and do stuff in a more supportive manner. I said all this to Eloisa. She also told me to get a new position in IS and she will have QueensCare pay for it. Hmm there's a thought. Anyway I thought our talk was productive AND part of the healing from the events of yesterday.. And I went home feeling better. Literally I mean. No thoughts about anything bleeding, dis-ease, dis-harmony. I even took a nice half hour nap in the middle of the afternoon. THAT makes up for not having had good sleep all week.

By the time I picked up Johnnie it was already past 4 PM. We were headed to Lisa's office of course for Spanish class. I didn't have time to think about Lisa or whatever was going on in her office and that was probably a good thing. All I had time for was to wolf down a snack for Johnnie and I. More and more I was thinking I needed to increase my caloric intake and not worry so much about carbs since my intake of those was already way down. Anyway we got to Lisa's office, got Johnnie's computer all done and I started doing steps in the hallway. I remember doing that way WAY back when  as far back as 2017 even when counting steps was not as sophisticated as I had made it to be. I know, I know, I'm supposed to be taking it easy. But hey, I felt much better already and i was peeing as normal again. Which makes it a pretty quick recovery from the last bleeding episode. Like 24 hours. Unfortunately, I hadn't checked my email and missed the one from Hayil cancelling class today. Oh well, we'll still have class tomorrow. In the meantime, Lisa and Angie were interviewing a front desk candidate. Good for them considering all the trouble they've had with front desk staff. I could tell the candidate was already sounding professional and had an air of responsibility about them. They will need THAT. Anyway their interview lasted until well past 6:30. And although I kept Johnnie busy with some Pokemon printouts, he was hungry. We did go out to eat, Lisa, Johnnie and I. And we went to Maria's Italian kitchen again since I convinced Johnnie to eat spaghetti tonight. I threw out all restrictions for me. Had a caesar salad and then rigatoni and meat sauce. And a couple of pieces of bread too. Johnnie for his part, ate a  big-boy plate of spaghetti. Lisa had pasta and veggies too. And minestrone soup. In other words a nice dinner was had by all. That too felt like healing energy. I was happy to pay for the meal even if Johnnie and I didn't get home until well past 8 PM. He had less than an hour to watch his videos and then it was bedtime for him at 9:30. And an early bedtime for me too. NOW I can catch up on sleep.