Golf At Harbor + No Breakthrough At All

So today we head us out to Harbor Park again for golf. I had fallen asleep on the couch last night and I woke up at 6 AM still in my shorts from yesterday. I remember thinking I didn't brush my teeth! That broke a streak that has gone on for years! Why was I so tired? Could it be those morphic fields, particularly the subliminal I custom made for myself about bringing in $3M this year? I amplified it with a morphic field booster. And immediately felt tired within a half hour. That's why I knocked off so quickly and for so long althoug my Fitbit said I only had 5 hours worth of sleep. Still tee time wasn't until 9:40 so I had plenty of time to get juice from Whole Foods, even supplement that with eggs. After all, I did say I was going to need to consume more calories to get my weight up just a tad. I mean look at the pic I posted of me hitting on Hole 8?! My shorts are literally falling off my ass! Anyway I remember thinking Harbor was the last time the old foursome of me, Scott, Greg, and Chris played and that was a year ago around this time. I even have a pic of us. Seems so long ago now. These days it's just me and Scott and to be honest, it's enough. All I wanted to do is to practice manifesting a good golf game. I didn't try to get in my head like the last time we played here. I want to practice my focus. That' s what I need to work on I think, and not just at golf. I lose focus way too much. Today's game did not start well. A pop-up that barely went 100 yards, but still in the fairway. And then a second shot that went wide right into the other fairway. Oh my. No I was not focused the right way. In retrospect I should have done a reset right there and work on how to do THAT effectively. Because at that point I was just reacting, trying not to get embarrassed. The rescue shot was decent. And the subsequent chip got me near the hole. But the putt turned out to be too long. And so I started with a 6. I had a much better tee shot on the 2nd hole, and an even better next 2 shots. That's the key is to string good shots together. On this hole I was on the fringe with a long putt after 3 shots, which was pretty good for me on this hole. And then I lost focus and took 3 putts to make it. The third hole was ok. Tee shot got out there 175 yards. 2hd shot a whiff but not too bad off to the right I got to the green in 4 and proceed to 3-putt again. After 3 holes I'm not doing too bad. No blow-up holes. But those whiffs on the fairway are really hurting my game. To that point, I should have focused on what I did right on Hole 2... except for the putting of course. Hole 4 was ok. Another whiff to the left this time on the 2nd shot. I should have recognized the pattern and made an adjustment. Same with Hole 5. Decent tee shot, whiff on the 2nd shot. Hole 6 was terrible. Bad whiff off the tee after whacking the first tee shot OB into the lake. I did manage to get on in 3 close to the pin. But missed the putt. FINALLY on Hole 7, I belted the tee shot 225 yards straight down the middle. I mean I was 100 yards from the hole. But missed the 2nd shot.Those 2nd shots were in my head at this point. I clanked the tee shot on the short hole 8, got near the pin on the 2nd shot and just didn't care at that point. My focus was gone. On the last hole I was urging Scott and I to end the game with a good hole. Neither one of us had had a par up to this point. Scott did have 3 bogeys though. I piped the tee shot again, 225 yards down and straight. And again I whiffed from there. Man it is painful to remember and write down. I just never adjusted. Lesson recorded. The game was characterized by me hitting a few good shots. But not enough to have a decent game today. Change the program, I heard myself say. Change the program. Sigh.

On the drive home I got a call from Lisa. Apparently the visit to FeiFei got cancelled. FeiFei and Tony tested positive for COVID. I felt so bad for Johnnie, he was so looking forward to seeing his brothers again. And so when Lisa invited me to fireworks show with Blair and Bailey later on and added that she was making lunch at 2 PM (2 PM??? WTF?!), I said I'd come over. My ENTIRE motivation was that I wanted to help Johnnie maybe feel not so bad for missing out. And so I stopped at Carl's Jr on the way home for my lunch, ate a Beyond Burger - with the bun - AND with onion rings  I was noting this morning that perhaps I lost too much weight and maybe I need to gain some back. And so I didn't have to be that strict on carbs. Sugar yes, but maybe I can let myself eat some carbs every now and again. I went to the store to pick up fried chicken for Johnnie AND some shrimp to make for Lisa. When I got there they were cleaning up the Johnnie's 'garage'. Uh-oh. Never good when Lisa is in clean-up mode. She is trying to regain control. She asked me to cook up the shrimp. And spinach. And tofu and green beans. And then she started on a rampage of negativity with me. AGAIN. 2nd time in 2 days. I snapped her out of it yesterday. I was in that good of a state. Today, not so much. Maybe it was the golf and I was still in my own head. Maybe this entire interaction was 'created' by my focus on patience and anger management this morning with a morphic field on the way to the golf course. Instead, I attracted circumstances where my patience and anger management was tested. How do I flip that so I do NOT have to get tested? Do aforemations? What If? Or is it as simple as focusing more on what I want instead of bringing on what I don't want? In real time, I was in react mode when Lisa attacked the way I cut banana bread *absolutely she did that*, when she got irritated that I left the dishwasher brush in the sink *do you know that's the dirtiest part of the house she said*, when I used the wrong pan to stir fry the shrimp *this was my egg pan now it's destroyed*, and finally when we sat down to eat *if you're unhappy I will give you the out that you can leave*, and then she went to the couch and tried to take a nap. What just happened? I came here to try to cheer up Johnnie. But not at the cost of letting him watch his mom go agro on me, yet again. So much for the breakthrough from yesterday, she's still all fucked up. As she lay on the couch, I did the dishes and then when I heard her stirring about when I got done, I simply left. No need to absorb any more negative shit from her. I had better things to do. I felt bad for Johnnie. I mean he's stuck with her for the next few days and HOPEFULLY she can remember to watch her state around him. I went back to my peaceful Sunday on the couch. It was still a nice day after all. Thoughts of Lisa lingered through the rest of Sunday but that's simply emotional residue. I did my subconscious cleaning and clearing to hopefully get rid of the gunk. And at least I still have tomorrow off. I'm all good about that.