Not Recovered Yet - But Getting There

So while I was doing my IS Team Meeting, and before that of course getting Johnnie ready to get dropped off at camp at 8 AM, I still noticed some seepage downstairs. Which meant I was still bleeding. On the one hand, it's just been a little over 24 hours. But then again, it's been more than a whole day! Why is it still bleeding. In the meantime, Johnnie had been looking forward to today's field trip. They are, after all, going to Knott's Berry Farm! How COOL is that. So we clearly had to be there by 8 AM, no matter what funky, goofy stuff I was still feeling. Was I feeling weak or light-headed? Or was I simply imagining that I had to feel weak and light-headed? In any case I went through my morning as if nothing was wrong. And I managed to touch base with Jorge even, wishing him a Happy Birthday. It was good to talk to him and I noted I hadn't in such a long time even though he still supports Lisa's office and his crew is about to do cabling for mine. Used to be that lunch at California kitchen for some kabobs near the FRB used to be our routine. I miss that. And I miss him. And I sure as heck wasn't going to tell him that I was going through some physical stuff that I have yet to figure out what. As I said I just went through my usual Thursday team meetings. And got done by 11 AM. I do notice that every time I did some energetic "anything" I would bleed. Yesterday it was that Reiki healing on the prostate specifically. Today I did some Sapien aura clearing and immediately afterwards I started to bleed again. Am I really just simply flushing out energetic gunk? I wish I could be as carefree as Claire, just happy simply sleeping at my feet, asking for nothing but simply to be near me. I did force myself to do some steps earlier than yesterday, noting that I managed to do 11,000+ anyway despite feeling less than 100%. So I simply would not allow myself not to do the same today. And by mid-morning, I told myself I was NOT going to see the doctor. I'm going to wait and see how I feel day-to-day. 

Yesterday I remember I was still bleeding pretty significantly at mid-day. Today I simply tapped on being afraid that something seriously wrong was going on, reminding myself that there is a part of me that ALWAYS thinks I'm going to die, all the way back to the 90s when I was having anxiety issues. 30 years later I think I know better by now, at least logically. I reminded myself that MY BODY KNOWS HOW TO HEAL ITSELF AND DOES SO QUITE WELL. And I resolve to stick to that premise no matter what distractions my EGO slings at me. I simply need to allow it to do its thing. And so today I had a nice salmon salad at lunch, and decided I'm feeling just fine. Still, I wanted to rest up a bit and let my body heal. I stayed on the couch all afternoon and did performance reviews. I had 10 of them to do by tomorrow after all, and I so dread doing the bad ones, especially when one of them is the son of the CEO! I got to 5 of them completed before I looked up and it was already almost 4 PM! By then the bleeding was minimal at best and so I kept toilet paper around my penis but still tried to do some steps. Felt uncomfortable as heck! And when I went to pick up Johnnie, the bus from Knott's Berry Farm hadn't come back yet at 4:30. I had to reschedule Johnnie's Spanish class, get back to the apartment to bring his computer just in case we had to do it at Lisa's house which was 5 minutes away. All that running around and it turned out Hayil wanted to reschedule it instead anyway. And I picked up Johnnie around 5:15 PM. He was happy as a clam buying a $6 souvenir. What about keeping it under $5 does that kid not understand?? Still, by this time my pee was completely normal with no blood. So I went on to the regular Thursday night routine. I made Johnnie chicken noodle soup penne for dinner. I picked up some ground beef for me and made myself REGULAR bolognese sauce. Hey, a little meat isn't going to kill me right? I needed to put more fat in my diet anyway. I'm starting to look a little too thin. And the best thing was that by the time Lisa called at 7 PM, I had already done 10000 steps. I, in fact, finished with 11,100+ AND 77 active minutes. I'd say that was normal. And the hand-off was much more pleasant than usual. I imprinted that in my mind so I can replicate it each time. I even went to bed early tonight. Around 10 PM. Pee was normal. No blood. I think I am just about recovered. Whew!!