A Quiet Fourth of July

Considering the uneven interaction with Lisa the past couple of days, I pretty much threw out the window that I was going to spend time with she and Johnnie today. And that is ok with me. I need a break from her if we're being honest about it. Of course the energy of this time of year for her means it's par for the course really. A couple of years ago we were on the way to Balwan and Sharon's and we had an argument right on the phone as she was making arrangements to meet up. Last year of course had nothing to do with her, but I was on the shelf anyway with the worst back bruise I had ever had. What is it with the 4th of July? Maybe it was all those years going off on vacation to Paris, to Rome, around this time which of course ended up with its share of drama and emotional bullshit. But it didn't used to be that way. I also remember barbecues at our Lindbrook apartment too. And golf at Harbor one year. And the Geffen friends. And hanging out at Bud and Diana's at Newport Beach. And watching fireworks at Balwan and Sharon's. It seems strange that all those people are out of our lives now, having moved on to other things. Kind of sobering to realize that when it comes down to just Lisa and I anymore, there is nothing there. Except of course the commonality that is we're Johnnie's parents. And for me, that still makes it ok. I have to keep reminding myself that without those same friends all Lisa has is dental friends and her family. And spending too much time with the latter, that can't be good. That can't be good at all. Not for her still. 

So where does that leave me for today? A nice, quiet 4th of July which by the way, is still a Monday. I toyed with the idea of giving myself a break from the usual Monday morning long walk day. I'm thinking the reason I can't keep muscle mass is simply that I am breaking down too much muscle after taking carbs and sugar off my eating pattern. My body has started to burn off fat to be sure, but maybe a bit too much and now it has to burn off muscle because that is what's left. So what happened? I found myself walking to Whole Foods and getting a green shake for breakfast LOL. Same thing I had yesterday.  AND I ended up doing 5000 steps all the way around Mar Vista Park and back home before 9 AM. Yep, just a usual Monday. And this being the 4th of July, of course there is the Twilight Zone 4th of July Marathon. AND the Star Wars marathon as well. How can I NOT see at least one episode of the Twilight Zone?! I also posted a pic of me doing pull-ups. And I can say I can at least do 6 without my elbow starting to hurt. It starts hurting when my form isn't right and my wrists start to bend, putting undue stress on the elbow joint.  Anyway I followed that up with some subliminal clearing, just to make sure there isn't any harmful morphic fields or subliminals in my head <yes somehow I am fixated on the thought that there may be something that i don't want too>. Hey it's ok to have a perfectly lazy morning.  And by lunchtime, it felt like a regular Monday actually. Tuna sandwich with soup, and then I got around to doing a couple of things simultaneously, because you know that's how I roll. I did the HRSA covid survey AND I started cleaning the kitchen and bathroom. Like I kept going from one to the other. And for a break, I just did some more steps. I got to 10,000 as if it was nothing. Like yesterday when simply playing golf got me to 10,000 and 120 active minutes. By late afternoon, I started hearing fireworks in the distance and by evening, it felt like a usual Monday night. Except of course I'm not picking up Johnnie tonight.  I miss that of course as I am going to miss having him around the rest of the week. But a deal is a deal and I'm going to have to be ok with it. Like I was ok with him being gone 3 weeks last year when they went to Hawaii. At least this time it's only going to be a few days. In Lisa's state, I hope he's ok. I hope she gets her shit together.  Something to work on, negative feelings towards Lisa I have to transmute and positive feelings for Johnnie I have to amplify. Work to do.