Sunday Golf, Problem At the Course

So I know I have something going on physically. But I wasn't really feeling any symptoms other than blood coming out of my penis. And it wasn't even like it was a lot of blood either. There was no pain, no burning sensation, no lower back pain. There was no discomfort like there was when I had a kidney stone. Didn't seem like I had symptoms for a urinary tract infection either though I have never had that before. And so I figured I would go play golf anyway since really the only thing that was bothering me was the fact that I now am feeling anxiety over what it is that I have that I don't even know what it is just yet. Wouldn't know anything was wrong on the first hole. I should have shot par. My first 2 shots were already on the line between the fringe and the green. And I left the shot from there just 10 feet from the hole. But I missed the putt and settled for a bogey 5. That would be the story of the day actually. Not just on the first hole, but at Hole 4 where I was right on the fringe after 2 shots again, On Hole 6 where I was on in 2 shots, on Hole 7 where I was again on in 2 shots, and on the last hole. Also on in 2 shots. Every single one of those holes were par putts from not all that far out. And I missed them all. Wow. I could take solace in the bogeys but really I should have played better. I could use the urinary thing as an excuse. After all, on Hole 6 I could feel discharge seeping out of my penis. Fortunately I had put in some tissues before starting the game. When no one looked, I pulled out the tissue and it had blood all over it. Boy talk about disconcerting. On Hole 6 I had to pee behind a tree. Again, a little blood then fairly clear urine. After that all I wanted to do was to go home. But to be honest, I wasn't feeling that off, if at all. Just really anxious now about what is going on. Scott would never know I was worried all morning. The guys we played with were pretty pleasant too. They couldn't know I was dealing with something. As it was, we got done by 11:15 and I was home by noon. That's while I picked up my lunch at Crimson. Nothing wrong with my appetite I'll say.

I had my salmon kabobs and rice and then first things first is to catch up on sleep. And put on same healing subliminals while I was dozing off. This afternoon I wanted to deal with the urinary stuff. First I left a message for Dr Deutsch to see if I can be seen either in the clinic or virtually. THEN I started reading up on the emotional/spiritual causes of disease. What I believe is that this is some kind of MESSAGE from my body and I need to decipher it as soon as possible. And this isn't something that just came up suddenly. I think it's a build-up of some sorts, either from continued anxiety, continued impatience that I didn't deal with, continued muzzling of my own emotions and expression. Thus, I have to work with the onion and peel the layers. I've been trying to do muscle testing all morning long but as in everything, I haven't quite gotten as accurate as I'd like - at least I don't think. And so like all things, like golf, I spent the afternoon practicing. Muscle testing to get to the root cause of the bleeding. Reading up on the correlations that are most likely connected. And then of course trying to read up and watch videos on how to release these emotional correlations. Release these stuck emotions. Release old programs. Suddenly I'm looking at the past couple of weeks and remembering things where I held back, where I repressed stuff. Bleeding means something is hurt. And so I'm going back to times in the most recent past where I felt hurt. And I think just the effort of doing so actually made me feel better. Discovery can be liberating. So much so it was already 7 PM when I realized I hadn't had dinner yet. I went to get some Thai food. But unlike previous Sundays where I just sat and watched TV, I didn't tonight. That's because I couldn't get my cable to work. It was as if the universe was telling me... don't watch TV tonight. You are doing so good with the discovery process. And so I didn't.  I kept looking for stuff to release and let go. Kept looking for modalities to try. Accupressure. Hoonoponopono. And wouldn't you know I didn't urinate blood any more, at least not since the golf course. That's very promising isn't it? I went to sleep earlier than usual. No binge watching anything tonight. Slept on the couch though so I could put healing frequencies in the background. Whatever needs to be healed, I will do my best to help heal.