More Tanking and Resting

Other than the weekend before school started that Lisa and Johnnie took off for Wisconsin for the weekend, it had been rare that I didn't see Johnnie on a Saturday for the past few months. I think even Lisa sensed last night that I was tapping out because I rarely drop him off at her office, at least not without her asking. And maybe I was tapping out without acknowledging it, particularly to myself. It's like we had our moment getting our dinners together and that was it, I was done. Not that it had been a particularly busy week at work. Not really. Not at all in fact. But my urinary system continuing to communicate to me about imbalances emotional, physical, or otherwise is something I still need to work on in terms or root cause I think. Or maybe it's just gas? LOL. Anyway, I didn't hear from Lisa about making an appearance for breakfast and this morning it was me actually inventing a reason to go over to her house. Johnnie had left his water bottles and I drove over to return them. Lo and behold I run into them walking back (or in Johnnie's case biking back) from dropping Claire off at the groomers. And so I did the water bottle exchange right there on the street. "I'll see you Monday Dad" I heard Johnnie say. That was my 1 minute with Johnnie today. By then it was mid-morning already so I figured I'd at least do my grocery shopping. Usually I would have Johnnie with me on a Saturday.  And I told myself it was ok to let Lisa be mommy for the weekend. Last week she blew off Family Night at Mar Vista after all and then had to work again the next day. This is her time to make it up. I wonder if Johnnie actually thinks about that when Lisa misses those things. I mean he is completely aware of the schedule and it is cemented in his own awareness. And when Lisa even jokes (or maybe not jokes) that she is taking Johnnie back a day early on Wednesday, Johnnie quite seriously tells her it isn't her turn.  THAT'S MY BOY. As far as long term ramifications and consequences? We will have to see. So far so good though I think. Except that feeling of a void or a hole in my being when I'm driving back. Yes I do definitely miss him on Saturday, and this Saturday in particular. For no really good reason even other than it's Saturday. And I'm simply going to have to be ok with that.

And so what did I do this Saturday? It wasn't like I didn't have anything to do at all really. It IS  timecard day on Monday and HRSA survey day too. I usually do those things BEFORE Monday. And then of course I still hadn't completely finished cleaning my apartment. I didn't get to the bedroom. Or the bathroom.  God knows I need to clean the toilet as well.  And of course there are always these classes I need to do. So many of them. William Whitecloud. Manifesting with Rapid Recode, videos from David Snyder, Developing my own intuition (particularly to communicate with my physical self for supposed medical conditions) with Ellen Meredith, finishing stuff with Sapien Medicine stuff, finishing Bengston image cycling stuff. It's like I do just enough to dabble but not to be really expert at stuff. And that by itself is something I need to work on. And that's not even to mention all the money stuff and trading stuff I want to learn. So many things. Sometimes I feel like anchoring on the fact that I do have Johnnie to give myself the excuse that I'm too busy to do these things. But then again I'm not busy to watch the Dodgers game am I? I'm not too busy to watch Game of Thrones reruns am I? So I am reduced to watching videos on YouTube on the same subjects I mentioned above. And OBTW every time I feel a tickle in my bladder, or kidney, or urethra now I'm turning on a healing audio to clear a meridian. Kidney. Bladder. Something. Now I KNOW I really need to simply focus on health and the healthy blueprint. And being in balance. And that I can only do by slowing down my mind and slowing down myself. And that I tried to do this afternoon, though not all that successfully. But I did manage to get some time in. And before I knew it the day had gone. I just called it a lazy day. It was so lazy I was still at 7000 steps by 10 PM and I had to scramble just to get to 9500. No excuse not to really so I did it. At least I got to 70+ active minutes.  And yes I did end up binging GoT again until well past midnight. smh why do I do this to myself??