Happy Fathers Day To Me

So today is Father's Day Sunday but really all I've got going is the normal golf Sunday at Harbor. And that is enough for me actually. I looked back at Father's Days past and last year it was the same. Played golf at Roosevelt, then home and chill. But I also got to spend Saturday with Johnnie. This weekend, with the Maui folks visiting I resigned myself to not seeing Johnnie for the entire weekend and that's ok. I'm not going to lie I was kind of hoping Lisa would invite me at least for a meal, but if that's too much to ask well that's ok too. I'll be disappointed but I will respect and be ok with it. For us dads, we're very simple minded about these things anyway. We don't require a present, or even an acknowledgement for that matter. WE know what we do. I KNOW what I do. Am I a good dad? I try to be. I try real hard. I can't say there are things I wish I would do over already. But in the end, Johnnie I think is well on his way to being a generally happy, well-rounded, fairly balanced kid. I mean I think he is that now which speaks to me and Lisa doing a pretty good job considering the 2-home situation. And so this morning is yet another try at using subtle energies and manifestation processes in order to manifest a golf game that would make me happy. I want to feel good that I played well. I know I'm going to hit my share of crap shots. Or do I? Have I lowered the bar so much? All I know is that the last couple of weeks was proof positive to me that I was not focused on the right things and that I was trying too hard to play well instead of simply letting the game come to me. I focused on simply releasing the shot to the moment. And I will say, sometimes I got it, sometimes I didn't. First hole was the case in point. I hit a monster shot right off the tee well over 225 yards and right down the middle. It was probably the best shot I have ever hit off this first tee. And I didn't think about it. I simply looked at the fairway, looked at the ball, imagined clocking it and that was exactly what I did. Now the second shot I already knew I got into my own head and I floated a weak grounder that dribbled barely 50 yards. The 3rd shot though I didn't think about either. I was talking to Scott in fact. I just casually flipped it on the green. I missed my par putt, but you get the picture. The 2nd hole was horrendous. A decent tee shot and then 3 straight flubs. I focused on not messing up instead of seeing in my mind what a great shot would look and feel like. And so I messed up and conjured up my own terrible shots. I should have focused on the shots. And where I wanted the shots to go. And most importantly I should have released and let go. Instead, I was not focused properly when I hit the ball. At least I got my shit together towards the end. I finished with 3 straight bogeys, missing make-able par putts on 7,8, and 9. On the drive home I tried to figure out the difference between the last 3 holes from the horrendous middle 3 holes  2,3,4 and 5. That was subconscious programming taking over and defaulting to shit golf. How did I get out of it?Truth is I don't know. Muscle memory starting on Hole 6? Crushed the ball off the tee on Hole 7? Nice tee shot on Hole 8 too? I got into a much better rhythm. And that in the head was what I needed to do. Get in rhythm. I am a streak shooter. Always has been. I didn't visualize properly on the bad holes. Glad I got in rhythm though. That is what I need to work on too. How to get in rhythm.. intentionally.

The rest of the day I spent on my couch. I never did get a phone call from Lisa and as I said that was perfectly ok. For Father's Day I gave myself a break from my new eating patterns and went into some old ones. Turkey sandwich with Cole slaw from Bristol Farms. And later on I grilled me some nice barramundi that went perfectly with the cucumber tomato salad. And then I spent the rest of Sunday on the couch. But I did not spend it watching TV like I would usually do. Instead, I focused on internal stuff. And got a VERY productive learning afternoon. I learned how to use affirmations the right way in order to re-program my subconscious, where I know most of my issues lie. This video sort of just came up and it was exactly what I needed to address the reverse polarity issues of my manifestation, as in I am getting the opposite outcomes of what I am trying to manifest. I still think the kidney stone pain from a month ago was a direct result of this. Instead of getting rid of stones, I focused on it and thus created them. So the video talked about working with the subconscious resistance and turning around by asking questions instead of just doing regular affirmations that the Ego/subconscious negative programming is resistant to. Ha. AFFORMATIONS instead of affirmations. And then this led me to this website that had such profound morphic fields that I actually started to emotionally release and cry when I did the Do-this-when-nothing-else-is-working field. I know what energetic it was imbued with. But I felt really connected afterwards. And then the Sapien fields had me feeling sensitive to energy in my hands. Wow. I was actually feeling the results this afternoon simply by listening to the audios. A very nice first step towards becoming more consistent to be sure. I was excited afterwards. I didn't watch TV. OK that's a lie. I watched Saving Hope for a bit just to give my mind a break. After all, I was working with fields all afternoon and evening long. I am pretty certain I will be seeing results this time. And THAT is exciting.