Just Being Dad

Today is the last day of June and the fact that I am still working, doing my thing for QueensCare is something I really have to focus on. The idea has always been to retire. And now that is something I need to actually make a MUST in my life. It IS Thursday and this morning I was completely focused on making sure Johnnie was all set up for his camp field trip to the Pacific Aquarium in Long Beach. How FUN is that right? All I had to do was make sure he had a sack lunch ready and get him to camp by 8 AM. Not too tough right? I already bought him a bottled water, nacho chips and a croissant. That ought to do it for his lunch. And then I gave Lisa and i gave him $5 each for souvenirs and stuff, first talking to him about saving his money until next week. Not sure that talk is going to be all that effective since he knows he has more money in his 'piggy box' and his grandpa Koko apparently just gives him money for no reason. Far be it from me to criticize that. Not at all. Still we need to let him know about the value of money. He stands to inherit whatever Lisa and I have built for him and putting our assets together, he will already be taken care of for the rest of his life. Doesn't mean he won't learn about working and creating value and learning to use his gifts to benefit the Universe. That much I will make sure of. Of course if he ends up spending his days like the pic I posted of myself at the apartment pool in the middle of the day, that wouldn't be so bad either. Presumably, that what it looks like WHEN I have passive income to support my current lifestyle and I don't have to work anymore LOL. As far as work went, this morning I spent doing the DPI Learning Session with the Coleman Associates Group. They are ready to implement and there were plenty of strong opinions around boy. I was just an observer and I had to laugh at the CMO who said that the session was rough. That wasn't rough. Just gotta learn when to push back though. By the time that meeting was done, it had gone from 8:30 AM to almost 11:30! Wow. Wiped out the entire morning.

Still, considering all I had to do was sit and listen, it wasn't so bad for me. In fact, considering everything that happened at the end of last week, it looks like my teams are going to weather everything this week and nothing really particularly urgent or critical happened. Lots of THANKS for that one. It IS Thursday though and by mid-day I was already winding down anyway. I tried to catch up on the morphic fields, on my steps, but I felt lazy and just basically spent the afternoon on the couch. I also realized that it was the last day of the month of June and we're fast coming up on the halfway point of summer. Still, being able to walk around in the warmth of the day felt good. I thought to myself that had I been in the office, I'd be walking to Starbucks trying to wrangle up a snack or something. But not these days. For me that means either dates, or peanuts and some coconut water LOL. By 4:30 PM it was time to get Johnnie at camp and when I did he proudly showed off the souvenir he bought. It was a shark hand puppet made of plastic. And it cost $8.08. So much for keeping his spending at $5 or less. Can't wait for whatever Lisa has to say about this. In the meantime, we came home, I gave him spaghetti and Trader JOe's pizza for dinner. And made myself a bean vegetarian dish too. Seemed like a lot of food but since it was mostly vegetables, it didn't bloat me up at all. I'm talking bell peppers and onions and mushrooms and kidney and pinto beans. And those plant-based meatballs too, processed though those were. I realized that by 7 PM, I was barely at 8000 steps and still at 30 active minutes. Lisa did pick up Johnnie and Claire before 7:30 PM though which gave me time to catch up on my steps and I ended up with over 60 active minutes and 11,000+ steps an hour after Lisa came by. And I rested the rest of the evening on the couch watching Orvill New Horizons, and catching up on the saga of Captain Ed and Telaya. I fell asleep on the couch actually, dragging myself to the bed when I realized it was already past midnight. A quiet Thursday it was. A quiet last day of June. And that is perfectly ok.

What Just Happened?

So today was slated to be the busiest day of the week, if only for the Leadership Summit scheduled for this afternoon in person at the LA Cathedral. I was already prepping myself to hurry my ass out of there and on to pick up Johnnie by 4:30 just so I could get him to Spanish class at 5 PM. Only that meeting actually lasts until 4:30, which means I have to find a way to get butt out early. As it turned out, Lisa texted me this morning REquESTING that I do the Spanish class at her house today because her friend Melissa, Johnie's friend Simon's mom wanted to see the class in person. I was actually thinking I was going to have to do just that just to get to the class on time. Do it at Lisa's house I meant. And so right after I dropped Johnnie off, I headed went home, had a quick breakfast and got dressed and headed downtown to the FRB. If I'm going to go to the LA Cathedral anyway, might as well get an early start. AND already be downtown. I could just do my morning meetings from the FRB. When I got there, it appeared that everyone had the same idea. Marina was there, Emma drove in all the way from Menifee, heck even my boss Dennis was there. I hadn't seen him in person in months! And then out of the blue, Dennis comes out and says he just got a text that the Leadership Meeting had just been cancelled. I mean.. what? A quick check of my texts showed that I had gotten the same message. I just found out that Eloisa is home with COVID and now everyone is a little wiggy again with getting infected with the thing, hence the quick and abrupt cancellation. I will not argue with that obviously, considering one of my own team is home recuperating himself. The Directors sort of congregated among ourselves and joked about the whole thing actually. Apparently, our lunch had just gotten delivered in fact LOL. Can we still drive over there and at least get a free lunch? I wondered out loud. WE all had the same prevailing question... what do we do now? For me, that answer was pretty simple. I still had a team meeting to do (which I did) and then just like the last couple of Wednesdays when I popped in to the FRB, I just planned on having lunch downtime. Gone was the urgency of rushing to pick up Johnnie from camp to get to Spanish class. Although I did commit to going to Lisa's house already for that and I didn't see the need to change that. As it turned out, my old lunch buddy Faith was here too. And so she and I headed out. I had every intention of sticking to my new eating patterns too, even though she had it in her mind she wanted to eat at Colori Kitchen. That's fine with me. I could cheat with a little pasta. Besides, per Lisa no dinner tonight so Wednesday is cheat day anyway and I won't have to do it later. I'll make up for it by cheating at lunch. You know it wasn't like I broke every rule even. I had salmon and Caesar salad, so the Caesar dressing was what broke it. Ok Ok, also all the bread I ate. They have such good bread. With olive oil and balsamic vinegarette, it was hard not to touch the thing. And boy I ate at least a huge slice worth.  I could FEEL the rush of carbs in my body afterwards LOL. That's ok. I headed on out and on home right after lunch. All of a sudden the busy WEdnesday turned into almost a TANK day huh? What a turnaround. There was no rush to do much of anything now, even those invoice tasks Eloisa had asked to get done the last couple of days. I just relaxed the rest of the afternoon away until it was time to get Johnnie. And then we went on to Lisa's house, and Melissa did come to check out Johnnie in action with his teacher Hayil. She got into advanced stuff too. Jobs and professions. I'm sure Lisa had a hoot when the job dentist came up and Johnnie immediately said his mom was a dentist in Spanish. Very good Johnnie! yes Lisa came home early shock of shocks.Turned out she and Melissa were doing their walk early. This is what gets my goat when she makes us wait all hours to go to dinner and she will change her schedule on a dime when it is for other people. But who is bugging now? Not I LOL. Just Lisa being Lisa. Johnnie and I went on home, I made him chicken noodle soup and got him fried chicken for dinner I made myself some salmon... so salmon twice today. No carbs this time. I think I made up for it. I didn't feel so bloated in the evening. Maybe it's because I did some walking too and got to 280 active minutes for the last 3 days. I'm at recent benchmark. Got to 11,000+ steps pretty easily. AND got johnnie to go to bed early too. He has a big day tomorrow. Field trip day to the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific. I am EXCITED for him!!

Time Travelling

For whatever reason I found myself back in 2013 today. I'm not sure why really other than it was the same time of year that had a lot of significance. That would be the time I left USC Stevens of course and started with QueensCare.  The time of interviewing for a new job, not really thinking about it then that this job could possibly be the last I would have. That is what I'm shooting for now of course, given that I don'tI want to start with another new company if I had to keep working. And now that I have more than a years worth of savings stashed away I am definitely favoring retirement once I create that comparable income stream. Passive income ideally too. But boy was that a long ways away 9 years ago. I was just trying to start over. And in a couple of weeks, I would be marking my 9 year anniversary at QueensCare. I remember meeting Barbara, Gary Grubbs and company for the first time at the MOB in Hollywood the day before the 4th of July. I remember thinking this job fit me and I was sure I would fit the role. Did I ever. Of course I had to relate it today. The one thing missing from that time of course was Johnnie. He would not come until a year and a half later. But even the timing of that was pretty remarkable. I would be barely a year and a half into the new QueensCare job and then a tsunami of a change LOL.

Today did not have the urgency of 2013 obviously. And it is a Tuesday to boot And what I thought would be a hectic day tomorrow because of the Town Hall isn't actually happening until next week. I was even timing how long it would take to bring Johnnie to Penman Camp and then getting on the freeway from there, hopefully to make it to the FRB by 8:30 AM. So I got home and there was nothing to rush to. Except breakfast. I even made a stop at Ralphs to pick up throwable for Johnnie's lunch on Thursday. That's when his camp is taking a field trip to the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific. How fun does THAT sound?! And today Johnnie has a pool day at Venice HS pool. Packed him up with his swim gear and everything. THIS is the job I want to focus on all the time. I think I'm pretty good at it too. But until I can not have to work at a job anymore <because I've created an alternative passive income source> I still do have to do my IS Team Meeting this morning, if not to check in on the guys. Nelson even called in from Hawaii which I appreciated though he didn't have to do that. I was jealous seeing the beach behind him too. It's been too long for me to hit the islands myself. I didn't have to do my slides for the TownHall because it isn't due until next week. I still had plenty of stuff to do but I also managed to 'fill the bucket' for my other team, the EHR team, passing on some compliments from another director. See? I'm still leading right? By the time I got to mid-day I shifted focus to exercise, hitting the apartment gym for a nice weight workout. I was not tired today. In fact, when I woke up this morning, I was groggy. That was after a full 8 hours of sleep. And I mean deep sleep. So much so I scored 80+ on the Fitbit sleep score. I hadn't done that in a while. I am pretty sure it's because of the morphic field stack I listened to yesterday. All those SHieLDs I listened to had to have some effect right? And they worked too. And as I said, I sure didn't get cheated on rest last night. I did 3 sets of 4 exercises of between 12-15 reps, totaling 150+ in all. I wasn't at failure either. But I got close enough. By the time I picked up Johnnie it was 4:30 PM already. We immediately went to Panda Express Westwood. Yes I wanted to take advantage of the discount I noticed Edna was letting us have. Not a lot but still nice of her to give to us. I did notice 2 times my EGO did its thing. Once when I was getting Johnnie to balance on the railing at Panda Express. I wouldn't let him quit. Even when he fell and claimed to hurt his thumb. <He wasn't hurt> and another time when he had to poop. I was in the shower by that time <yes a rare night shower to be sure. It was hot and I was sweaty> and I couldn't help him wipe his butt. And he got himself all dirty with his poop. I got frustrated. But really not at him. Because I couldn't help him. So I did the Lisa thing and lashed out at him instead. Fortunately I did recognize it, and I told him I was sorry for yelling afterwards. And I didn't mean anything I said. To make up, I made him some popcorn and we started watching old Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous episodes. Man, that's going back more than a year!  But we did have a good evening after all. I made some cookies, hung out with Johnnie. It was all good. 

Summer Monday

It's the start of a new work week AND it's also the week before the long 4th of July weekend. But I am a tad concerned for the work week, given that I just lost Noriel again for a week, we now have to reschedule the GO-LIVE for the new network implementation which was scheduled to go this weekend. But am I really that concerned? Not really. Because more and more as I work on ego dissolution and become rooted to the fact that any so-called problems I can simply hand over to the Universe and voila: problem solved.  And it is my own thinking that basically makes things more complicated than they should be. It is MY motivations that creates these entanglements that really didn't need all that much attention and emotion. Case in point the Lisa negative energy from the weekend. I simply chose not to give it any more power. And simply kept to my own integrity and boundaries by simply asserting to myself: I AM SORRY SHE FELT THAT WAY. Left it at that and it was all good. Back to Monday though... the routine called for some prep work mentally for the week. I saw the Leadership thing going on on Wednesday but other than that, my schedule was fairly clear. That was a good thing. And of course since it IS Monday I do have to start the day with the morning walk to 5000 steps don't I? It was already warm by the time I got started. And I could hear the lyrics from WAR's song Summer in my head as I walked actually. It put a smile on my face to be sure. Other folks walking the dog in the neighborhood. Early risers at Mar Vista Park playing soccer. Yep, it's summer alright.

By the time midday rolled around, I had already gotten sort of caught up with work and planning the week. Even let my Management Team know how short-handed I was. Trying to get pity points that way LOL. Really I wasn't all that worried at all. I found it funny that most emails came to me today started with "I know you're really short-handed and busy but..." Hilarious! Also by mid-day I had had a nice shrimp salad, to go with the egg sandwich I had in the morning. All that to remind myself not to curtail anymore calorie cutting stuff. It's ok to eat. I mean I do put my body through exercise, not to mention all these morphic fields I listen to actually do take their toll energy-wise as I found out last week when I did a crash by mid-week.  Finally, at mid-day came a call from Lisa. As expected, it was as if the weekend negative interchange never happened. And I already knew that actually. She wanted me to pick up Johnnie from camp. I even volunteered to bring him back when she comes back from piano lessons and have him watch some of her soccer game.  Aren't I mangnanimous LOL. Truthfully I am building enough reserve so she can't say I wasn't thinking of her, not that I really care actually. I wanted Johnnie to care. But I also knew full well he is a child of my routine too. And it is my turn to spend time with him. He was not at all surprised to see me pick him up at camp. This was his first day at Penman camp and his buddy Simon and his dad Ben were there doing their pick-up too. Since it was Monday night, I usually don't get Johnnie for dinner. But tonight I was fully prepared with a hot dog and spaghetti. Yum! And he got full for sure. The kid wolfed down everything. I made myself a vegan pizza. By this time I was actually on track with my steps still and already well past 10,000+ for the day. Johnnie actually put on the movie SING 2 and almost finished it when the time came to go to Lisa's house. I figured we could chill for a half hour then ride to the soccer field and then be home by 8 PM since her game was at 7:15. Eezy-peezy right? Only more and more I am realizing there really isn't any such thing when Lisa is involved.  Yeah Yeah I know everything is me pushed out and all that. But really? Today Lisa even got to the point of being fully dressed and ready to go. Johnnie and I were outside in the backyard waiting for her. Johnnie decides to kick the soccer ball around. Perfectly ok.. I mean he's in the back yard. EXCEPT... He hits the ball square after I just told him he better make it over the lights. That would be the string of lights that light up the backyard. He hit the wire flush and dead on. And I could only laugh as it broke the wire from it's support, the whole thing fell down and 3 of the bulbs broke! Completely fluke accident. How DOES that happen? You couldn't even be mad at Johnnie. He was just playing for crying out loud. My first thought was watch Lisa blame it on me now! To her credit, she didn't. She had to compose herself and walk away for a few minutes. Had to yell at me to stop what I was doing when I got the broom to clean up the broken glass. She thought I was going to broom everything in the grass. Really Lisa? Really? After she showed me how she wanted it done of course, I told her to go on ahead to her game so she wouldn't be late. And so the last pic is of me sweeping up the deck from all the broken glass bits. Yep, ME CLEANING UP after Lisa. Can't even blame her either. Just an accident. I'm glad Lisa didn't blow up. That was the win. And then I went to get Johnnie and we went on home. Back to our normal basically boring routine LOL. I'll take this boring every single time. 

Mojo Not There Today

Sunday Golf is at Roosevelt this morning I was excited to have another go at trying these energetic technique in order to get the outcomes that I want. Practice practice practice and more practice. Obviously, I wanted to have a good game today. That meant shooting at least 2 pars, but I never said that actually. Instead I practiced each shot I would have taken. Focused on the ball strike and hitting it where I want instead of letting the shot take over. That's when I whiff is when I do that. And so what happened was that I was focusing more on the shot rather than the hole and getting in my own head each time. I KNOW full well I hit my best shots when I am aligned and not thinking about it and simply letting the shot itself take over. I do in-a-row whiffs when I don't gather myself and reset. And the shot becomes a reaction.  Case in point today. First hole, we get paired up with a 3-some earlier than our designated tee time. The starter was trying to put people together as quickly as possible. Hence we were sort of rushing up to the hole. But maybe that gave me less time to think about stuff. And so my first shot was actually decent. Off to the right a bit but it got down the fairway just fine with a line to the hole. it was the 2nd shot that I screwed up on. After that it was ok and I managed to nearly save the hole with a bogey putt that rimmed out. That would be the theme for the day. 2nd Hole, I hit a nice tee shot and although I whiffed the 2nd shot again, I managed to get to the green in 2. And barely missed another bogey putt that lipped the hole. Again.3rd hole, this time I yanked my tee shot way left, but recovered the 2nd shot nearly on the green. And played it ok from there. 4th hole, a nice tee shot but again hit down on the 2nd shot. Still got on the green on the next shot and again missed the bogey putt. See the pattern? 5th hole I just couldn't lift off the tee and took 5 shots to even get to the green. But I again nearly made the putt. Nearly doesn't count I remind myself. Next hole I lost the ball off the tee but was ok after that. Same with the next hole. Yanked left off the tee. By this time it was clear either my rhythm was not there today. I was rushing my tee shots. I did at least had a par putt on the last hole. Which I barely missed again. Did I play well today? Not at all. But I had some pretty good shots. Just that I couldn't put a couple of good shots together. Because I focused on the shot more so than the hole. Sigh. Until next time. 

At least we got done by 11:20 today. It didn't save me from traffic on the 10 Freeway because of an accident so I still didn't make it home until almost noon. I figured I'd eat at home today because I had all this food from grocery shopping. Made myself shrimp pho with Miracle Noodles. Pretty good too. I actually had some decent sleep last night so I wasn't too tired. I figured I'd just tank it the rest of the day and do a duplicate of last Sunday when I was able to catch up on a lot of internal learning work. Once and for all I wanted to do the Enlightened States class that I paid for and still haven't finished. I reminded myself that I paid for other stuff too, like those energetically charged audios on clearing negative energy. And of course a last word video on dealing with narcissists so I am better prepared to not let emotions and my ego get the better of me. After all, narcissist or not, all that stuff with Lisa is just ME PUSHED OUT right? It means I let my guard down yet again. So more work to do. I also re-did the video sub I made about an a-for-mation on creating $3MILLION. Might as well work on my financial independence and my retirement plan too right? I did manage to make it off the couch before 5 PM to scooter on over to Ralphs and pick up a few more things. Johnnie is out of ice cream after all. Might as well keep it stocked up. And I got to keep enjoying the warm outdoors to boot. I truly did a duplicate of last Sunday night, even down to making barramundi for dinner and the cucumber tomato salad. I mean it was really really good. And for $5 you can't beat that with getting food out. Hey I gotta find a way to feel good about today after that bad golf day this morning right? Like last Sunday I also watched some TV. An episode of the Old Man. Watched the Dodgers pull out a win after being one strike away from being shut out. Against Kenley Jansen no less. By the time I wrapped up on finishing my sub project it was midnight. Oh well. I thought about the past week and at least the highlight was that I got Johnnie through Westwood STAR camp and everything was fine there. Work did not turn out to be quiet but it was handled... until the end of the week. We now turn the page on move on to next week.

Half Saturday Johnnie

So today Lisa is working and all her narcissistic bullshit aside, I went to her house on time to pick up . In time to let her know why she was upset at me last night. Really did there have to be a reason. I am her rage tampon I get it.  And rather than resist it or engage it, I will simply do what I can to jiu-jitsu it aside and go on with my day. Why let her fuck up your day right? Already I'm doing my good deed for the day doing the whole groomer thing drop-off with Claire this morning. Oh and now I have to drop Johnnie off at her office at 2:30 PM when she got done because she has one of her friends over, whoever it was I didn't know and really I didn't care. Not if I'm not invited anyway. I have the morning with Johnnie and that would be enough. We went to Elysee for breakfast this morning, had our usual scrambled eggs and sausage and OJ, and then went on from there to Sprouts for grocery shopping. For some reason Johnnie wanted to be in charge of the grocery cart. He either wants to be part of the whole shopping deal, and this is his way of contributing or maybe it was because I told him he had to earn his Pokemon cards that I bought yesterday by doing errands. Either way I was very much fine with it. A week ago I didn't see him the entire weekend for 3 whole days. I'm just glad for whatever time I could spend today.  And we had to go right back to Lisa's house anyway just as soon as I put the groceries away because the dog groomer appointment was at 11 AM. I figured I'd drop off Claire, Johnnie and I could watch something together and then we could go to lunch at the Century City mall like we had been doing the last couple of times Lisa had a work-Saturday. That plan would evaporate just as soon as the dog groomer had Claire for more than an hour. In fact, she had her for 2 hours! I mean I didn't care, it wasn't my money. And believe you me after the 'argument" this morning I realized Lisa was triggered yet again by money stuff. What the fuck it had anything to do with me I don't know and I don't really care anymore. She can rage all she wants as long as I'm not around. I even had a little talk with Johnnie about it and told him that whenever mommy gets into that state, he should simply hug her and tell her it's going to be ok. I'm sure that will work. With me, if I told her the exact same words, she'd only get angrier. And that is fine. I'm going to start limiting interactions with her is all I can do.

Anyway, while the groomer was finishing up with Claire, I got us lunch at Panda Express Marina Del Rey. And then picked up Claire on the way home and we all had lunch back at the apartment. Even though I got my time with Johnnie I did have to detour a chunk of time to do something for Lisa yet again that she will never appreciate. That she squeezes time out of people. Still I took a pic of Johnnie and I in her front yard and for today that is good enough for me. I did do the drop off at 2:30 just as she asked. I did my goodbyes with Johnnie before going in, giving him a big hug and a kiss and his "I love you Dad" was everything I needed for the rest of the weekend. I realized by that time I was actually tired. Like I needed a nap. Probably because I stayed up until real late last night - past 1 AM - watching the new season of the Umbrella Academy. And so for the afternoon, I put on some isochronic tones to get myself to theta frequency and when I woke up it was already close to 5 PM. Wow... I napped for at least an hour and a half. I looked at my Fitbit and I was barely at 13 active minutes at 40,000+ steps. Oh well. I actually woke up hungry and considering everything I have eaten in the last couple of days I really felt like going back to the old new eating patterns. That would be cutting  carbs and sugar and no red meat. I already had mushroom chicken for lunch. I decided I'd have cauliflower pizza with mushroom, pineapple toppings for dinner.  And I didn't feel so bloated like I did yesterday after eating those tacos from Poquito Mas. Still it was a nice summer Saturday early evening and I decided to finish off to 10,000+ steps right after dinner. I had a nice walk around my neighborhood, and wouldn't you know I got my heart rate up such that I finished with almost 60 active minutes today. I noticed that the streets weren't all that busy either. Just a quiet Saturday night eh? When I got back I was actually sticky sweaty. Hey, it IS summer after all right? And I kept listening to morphic fields too. And watching videos about how to deal with narcissistic behavior. Seems to me the best way to is to avoid it. I mean I went in to the office when I dropped off Johnnie but I had a couple of words with Lisa and that was that. Why does it need to be more? Because she'll say I'm being an asshole? So what? That's the narcissist talking. Do I really care about there feelings? I have to remind myself she has not one ounce of empathy. And her feelings are not my responsibility. I washed off all that negative thought crap with a shower this evening. A good thing since I hadn't showered since Monday LOL. And the shower actually had me chill enough to be drowsy by 10 PM. I could make up more sleep.  A decent Saturday it was and the win here was that I did not let Lisa screw it up for me. Johnnie and I did just fine.

Narcissist Alert

 

So this morning I knew Lisa was in the middle of her own shit again last night, something I more than likely triggered. And it was 50-50 whether she would still be in the same space this morning. She will either have forgotten about it... OR ... I would still be on her shit space somehow. And so I spent time to put energetic shields around myself this morning and then headed off to pick up Johnnie. True enough Lisa was still being Lisa. Only this time she told me she was upset with me. The trigger was asking her for money for the dog's groomer that I am taking her to this morning. And apparently telling her that I'm clocking out and handing off Johnnie. Stuff I said is STILL triggering her. And so I put up this video as a remembrance that it would be impossible for me to treat her like I would treat anyone. She IS a narcissist and I AM the target she has chosen for her anger. I will always be. And so the best thing I could do when she is picking a fight is not to engage. Not to give her rage any power.  Hard to do because my own ego keeps coming up trying to win the argument. That is the work I need to keep doing on myself. 

Key things to say: I AM SORRY YOU FEEL THAT WAY.

or. I GUESS I HAVE TO ACCEPT HOW YOU FEEL.

YOUR ANGER IS NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY.

I DON'T THINK I WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.

Summer Friday

So yesterday's 'productive' day at work took a bit of a turn towards the evening, as if all the good stuff I was feeling still had to be tested somehow. First a text from Noriel on my IS Staff.  Her daughters tested positive for Covid. He, of course, had HAD a minor heart attack just recently and though he tested negative, is clearly on the better-be-careful list. What that does to network implementation project coming up next week I'm not sure just yet. And then a late text from the Director of Operations about a couple of things I thought were taken care of nicely today actually had more questions. All work stuff so it can wait obviously. Just an underscore that no matter how good I think things are going, my patience will still be tested and I still need to make sure my state is where it should be. And when I woke up this morning I simply anchored myself to cleansing and clearing negative thoughts and raising my vibration. After all, it IS Friday, it is a nice warm summer morning and it's payday to boot. I've got plenty of money in my checking account. How can I not be grateful for any and all of that! And all that before Lisa had dropped Johnnie and Claire off before she went to work. I had to wait until 8:45 to drop Johnnie off myself at Westwood STAR, which would be his last day at that camp before he starts Penman Camp next week. And already by all accounts he's had a pretty good week so far. Today I only had that Salesforce project meeting close to mid-day and I looked forward to getting that out of the way even though I did have some stuff to do around the project that I simply hadn't gotten to just yet. Having 7 meetings in a day like yesterday tends to stretch me pretty thin these days. And actually just as soon as I got home from dropping Johnnie off I found myself getting busy. Man, no TANK FRIDAY today I guess. What I didn't like was how contentious I saw myself getting at that meeting with DemandBlue. I saw myself almost trying to pick a fight. And I did not like that. I knew it was my ego trying to assert itself which was not a good thing. I knew I wasn't going to be able to do anything productive at the meeting. So I excused myself a half hour in AND got my stuff done that I was supposed to with the project.  I shook off all that stuff by lunch. I went out and got a Beyond Famous Star from Carl's Jr.

Took off the bun and put the meat in between my own low-carb bread. And felt really full. Probably because I had had the rest of my tuna sandwich before. And some lentils too. I felt like I had to up my caloric intake to keep up with all the exercise I do and avoid that low-energy day like on Wednesday. I didn't do as much exercise today. But that's because I found myself working more than I thought, a carryover from the momentum of yesterday. 

Still, by 3 PM I wanted to knock off and go back to carefree-summer-Friday mode. I picked up Johnnie at 4 PM and then made a stop at Panda Express to pick up his dinner. HIs big thing today was that he wanted to go to It's Game Time store a mile from me so he could pick up more Pokemon cards. He had been talking about it all week. And all week I had actually been giving him little tasks here and there so he could earn those cards. But he really did keep talking about it every single night and so I got that it was a big deal for him. Still he did have Spanish class first at 4:30 and by the time we dealt with Panda Express and Friday afternoon traffic, I had to rush just to get us home 5 minutes before his class. And that's when we found out at the last minute that he actually wouldn't have a class today. His teacher's daughter was sick and so she cancelled class at the last second. It didn't bother me in the least. We did the same to her the night Johnnie tested positive for COVID. At least now I could go back to my original plan, which was to pick up my own dinner right after I picked up Johnnie's. Back out we went to get ahi tuna tacos from Poquito Mas  in my now never ending quest to get non-red-meat, non-white-meat and mostly fish plate takeout. I always knew about Poquito Mas but hadn't really gone to the one on Westwood in quite a while. Several years actually. Funny that today I take a pic of Johnnie hanging out in the restaurant waiting for my food. And how was it? Pretty damn good if I do say so. And for $10? This is definitely going on my list for the future. Other than the rice and the tortillas and of course I had to eat the chips that came with it too, if I just lowered that glycemic index from those this would actually be an ideal meal. 2 tacos and beans. Finally after dinner we headed out for Johnnie's activity. Off we went to It's Game Time. Truth be told I would have bought these cards for the simple fact that I can and that I want to see Johnnie happy all the time. Nothing could take the place of him squealing with laughter on my bed a couple of days ago, or how he talked about his day at camp yesterday, or simply how excited he was and how he could barely contain himself while I paid for the Pokemon cards at the store. I'm happiest when he's happy. But I also couldn't resist giving him a teaching moment in valuing money and earning what you get and working within a budget. I told him he could buy up to $30 IF we also earned the $30 by selling something, or providing a service. He quickly figured out that he could sell something to me, which I agreed to. And so he now owed me 3 pictures at $10 each. I'd say that was a good deal. And so his Friday now became a really good Friday. And he spent the rest of the evening playing with those cards, organizing them and then watching more Pokemon videos. By 8:45 pM we still hadn't heard from Lisa but that was ok. I kind of half expected that even. She couldn't possibly have 2 good days in a row could she? I drove Johnnie and Claire to Lisa's house at 9 PM and put him to bed immediately after knowing that I'm going to be right back in the morning since Lisa works tomorrow too. I did not expect that Lisa would not be home yet by 10 PM. I was already half-asleep and I could sense my ego getting all bent out of shape. This after I spent a little time creating emotional energetic shields around myself expecting Lisa to be not in a good mood she had to work this late to the point that I had to drive Johnnie back. I called at 10 PM and she was actually already on the way. And she did not sound too bad at all. We were actually having what I would describe as a pretty pleasant conversation. Until she got home. And then she walked by me and as I walked out and I could sense anger. What the fuck happened now? Weren't we talking just.5 minutes ago? I could have walked back and asked what was wrong. Not tonight. Truth is I didn't care. Powder keg that she is emotionally anything could have set her off. And I simply didn't need the negative emotional shit she slings at you. I went home, mentally brushed off anything that came up that was related to her. And watched a few episodes of the Umbrella Academy. I wasn't about to let her ruin a perfectly good Friday for me. 

SEVEN Meetings In One Day

When did Thursdays become my busy day? I looked at my schedule yesterday and realized that I was going to be tied up for most of the morning and the fact that I had to tear ass back to the house after dropping Johnnie off at the Westwood STAR camp just to make a 9 AM meeting was pretty much the status quo for today. Still, if I'm looking for an M&M in the middle of a busy day, that would come first thing when Johnnie woke up early and decided he wanted to jump on me in my bed. It's funny that I have one bedroom and Johnnie and I have 2 huge beds in separate rooms. They have 4 bedrooms at Lisa's house and he sleeps mostly on her bed next to her. I do remember it wasn't that long ago that Johnnie slept in my bed too. And moments like this morning was fairly common. That would be me tickling him and him squealing. I will never tire of that sound. I knew after I dropped him off that it would be back-to-back-to-back-to-back meetings until almost noon. Literally I didn't have a break. Town Hall prep, IS Team Meeting, EHR Team Meeting, one-on-one meeting with my boss and that's just the morning. The funny thing was that I actually seemed to be in complete control. And that I knew what I was doing. So much so that I scheduled another meeting in the afternoon after lunch and then of course there's that HIMP meeting in the afternoon that ends at 4 PM, right about the time I'm supposed to pick up Johnnie.  Still I found time to make some adobo Miracle noodles with shrimp and bok choy. I am BACK to my low-carb no-sugar no-red-meat eating pattern. And this dish was pretty good too if I do say so myself.

I did my 2 PM meeting with my IS team again. I am implausibly picking up another gotta-do, gotta-finish project. Still I am pretty unfazed by it. In fact I think I have that one under control too. The trick is to make sure my team keeps up and doesn't get too fazed by it all. I think I can say that about my other team too. The EHR team. Who requested a meeting tomorrow as well. I asked if we could meet today. This afternoon. Why ruin a perfectly good, lazy Friday. Might as well take care of it right here, right now and as soon as possible. Turns out Yolanda, on the team, had a lot of other unfinished unattended-to stuff on her plate that we have to deal with too. But then I did what I do best as a leader... make sure the team is doing ok and make sure I have their back. Before all that, I did the HIMP meeting, hauled my ass out of the house when it got done at 4 PM, and picked up Johnnie at camp, 10 minutes later than usual. Still after pick-up we made a stop at Chili Thai on Pico. We picked up chicken satay for Johnnie's dinner, which went well with the rice I made earlier in the afternoon. Look at the pic of Johnnie goofing around as usual. And he had his dinner while I finished my last meeting. I can't even believe I did SEVEN meetings today. That has to be some sort of personal record. And it didn't faze me. Pretty much the only thing I didn't get to do today was that I didn't listen to any fields and maybe that's not a bad thing. After all I did feel drained yesterday and I feel that much better today. And it definitely felt like everything went my way today, busy day and all. chickpea pasta and turkey bolognese for dinner, finished 11,000 steps again, and Lisa even called by 8 PM to pick up Johnnie and she was in a  pretty decent mood too. I concluded the evening with the latest episode of the Orville. And the latest episodes of the Umbrella Academy. Man this was a long day. But it was a pretty good day. a Very good day.

Low Energy Out of Gas?

I don't know what happened last night but ever since I crossed past 10,000 steps I felt tired. I remembered feeling it when I was doing steps while watching Johnnie at the sauna getting warm. By the time we went home I was feeling tingling in the back of my head and feeling even more tired. Mind you I did those 4 exercises at 12 reps each 3 sets. That's a total of 144 reps. In addition to 11,000 steps. I guess I was supposed to tire after it all. And I sure did feel it. Of course when you do feel tired, the solution is to get some rest. And then of course I was still listening to morphic fields throughout the day. And so YES I felt it today. Tired and all, I still made my way downtown to the FRB right after I dropped off Johnnie at camp. That's because I felt the urgency of getting the A/V stuff done at the Founder's Room and I decided to measure the space myself so I could make a good decision on which system to purchase. I ended up spending the entire morning at the FRB. I wanted to walk to 7th Street to get lunch actually. But then a wave of low-level fatigue hit me on the walk there. And in fact, I felt like I had a hypoglycemic attack like back in the day when I would experience a sugar crash. How could that be? I had had minimal sugar all this time. All these months. Maybe all the physical activity took their toll? I detoured to Whole Foods on 8th and got myself some fish and some rice and fruit and a salad. And coconut water to see if it would affect the hypoglycemic effect. Eventually it did but not quickly. I drove home but I still felt pretty strange. Like there was a weight dragging on me. And still I tried to do my steps. How can I not? I had been doing at least 10,000+ steps for years, 11,000+ steps for more than a year. It's like part of my daily rhythm. But is that daily rhythm catching up to me? Or is me energy body depleted and needing a boost of some sort? I tried to take a nap mid-afternoon but I couldn't. There was too much going on in my head. Instead I was able to watch the Season Finale of Obi-Wan Kenobi. And it did not disappoint. Of course there had to be another one-on-one mano-a-mano battle between Obi-Wan and Darth Vader. And of course Obi-wan would win this one re-discovering his strength simply by focusing on those he cared about. There is a lesson in that I think. Of course there had to be connections to A New Hope the very VERY first Star Wars movie. Young Leia and Young Luke. I thought about my own youngling of course, who is younger than the portrayed Luke and Leia. How cool must it be to have all his life ahead of him and all he cares about in the here and now is making some toys and sinking baskets. As it should be. I picked him up at 4 PM, made him eat some quesadillas from El Pollo Loco. I knew he hadn't eaten much of whatever I packed for him. I knew we would be doing Spanish class at Lisa's office and we are likely to wait for her until well past 6 PM to eat. Which is why I made him eat a quesadilla. And why I ate the other piece as well, even though it is a flour tortilla and cheese, well outside of my current eating patterns. I could stand that for a night I think. Besides, maybe the extra carbs would help the all-of-a-sudden hypoglycemic patterns. I was still a bit tired. But I took Johnnie to Lisa's office, he did his Spanish class and impressed us all that he can actually carry on conversations now. Still at elementary level mind you, but it's still a Spanish conversation.  The surprise tonight was that Lisa actually got done and we were off and out of her office by 6 PM. Why you might ask? Because she is going for a walk with Melissa at 7:30 PM that's why. It couldn't possibly be about us right? We walked to Daikokuya for dinner and Johnnie had his ramen and we had the toppings, and the salmon sashimi, AND a ribeye steak salad. Yes I ate beef too. Hey, if I'm going to break my protocol tonight, might as well go all out right? Still we managed to.. in Lisa's words ... enjoy each other's company. And when we got to my car it felt like routine again. It was good to have a tension-less time with Lisa and I think perhaps those fields did have something to do with that.  Johnnie and I went home, took the dog out for a walk, Johnnie put on his Pokemon videos. I didn't do any more fields tonight. I figured I'd give my physical body a break. And although I let Johnnie watch longer than usual, he was still out like a light by 9:30 PM. I didn't need much more prodding to go to sleep myself. And when I woke up at midnight, I realized I had already had 2+ hours of sleep in. THERE was my afternoon nap LOL. At least I could go back to sleep again. Rest was much needed. And much appreciated. 

New Camp For Johnnie

So this morning I drove Johnnie to a new camp, just for this week since Penmar got full. That would be the Westwood STAR camp at Westwood Charter Elementary, one of the highest rated elementary schools in the region. Compared to Mar Vista, they are just about the same in terms of academic rating, just that Mar Vista is more diverse. So anyway, I liked that this camp is at least fairly close. As in it took us 10 minutes to get there since it is located blocks away from Westwood Panda Express. And guess where we're going to pick up food when I pick him up later LOL... I will admit there was a bit of uncertainty with the new camp. And Lisa would remind me last night how much Johnnie did not like the Walgrove camp and the other camps we put him in. But that was before TK even and Johnnie is now far more social than he was back then. I'm not even going to get into why Lisa had to ask if she was going to pay for any of this. Lisa being Lisa. I knew she would, which is why I paid for it from my account. Anyway I posted a pic of him on our way out this morning. Truth be told I didn't really need to send him to camp today but considering how much energy it takes to keep him occupied for the day, I thought it was best... for me. And so it was that I did my Tuesday routine, which was the IS Team Meeting and playing catch-up with emails and projects which were tugging hardest at me. And I ended up doing a fair amount of internal work too, which was the plan all along. Much easier done without Johnnie around. I need to settle on a routine or I end up doing 25 morphic fields a day. I don't think that would be ideal, and I'm sure there would be some effects physically too. I do know I am starting to feel more sensitive to energy and I know for example that my energy is fairly high and I'm pretty balanced at mid-afternoon. I was even energized enough to do a full weight workout at the apartment gym. That's 3 sets of 4 exercises, each with 12 reps. The weights were lighter than I'm used to but hey, I'm starting from scratch aren't I?  Finally when I got done, I scanned my field to sense how Johnnie was doing and even sent thought forms out of Johnnie having fun whatever activities he's doing. When I picked him up at 4 PM, he was all smiles. Miss Jennifer from STAR Mar Vista was on the checkout point and she told me he did just fine today and that she was glad to see him. Really big difference from the last new camp we put him in all those years ago. He talked about meeting a new friend, learning about Mardi Gras, even had Mardi Gras masks for me LOL.

I was all set to have a pretty quiet and routine Tuesday evening. Usually Johnnie and I would drive to Panda Express. This time it was already on the way home. So even though it was an hour earlier than usual, we picked up Johnnie's usual chicken teriyaki and I grabbed a container of veggies for me as well. I could pair that up with literally anything. And tonight, it turned out to be salmon. And so Johnnie and I had an early dinner it turned out. And for me, that wave of work activity didn't happen until right about then at the end of the day. In short order, while I was waiting for my salmon to cook, I blasted out a report of claims with 87,000 records in it, that blasted Vaccine inventory stock update, and a SOW I needed to sign for one of my staff to do EPIC training tomorrow. That one was challenging because I couldn't get into Docusign. And so I had to MANUALLY do it, which did not involve printing at all. It did involve saving it as an image since the pdf was already protected, putting on my signature somehow on the iPAD and then sending it back to myself. Pretty creative if I do say so myself. I got it done. I hope the extra effort was appreciated. Afterwards I made Johnnie come with me to walk the dog AND pick up one of my packages in the mailroom. Look at the pic of Johnnie and Claire. It was while Johnnie was waiting for me to pick up my package did he notice a bunch of kids in the pool. Now mind you, I had already suggested that maybe he could take a quick dip just so he could wash the afternoon sweat from himself. He was that sweaty when I picked him up. But nope, nothing doing. UNTIL he heard all the commotion from the kids in the pool. When I got out of the package room all of a sudden he had a hankering to go swimming now. W-h-a-t the heck?? Now all of a sudden he wanted to go? He did give me a condition: I couldn't tell him what to do, he just simply has to do what he wants. Was that it all along? He didn't want me telling him what to do LOL LOL. And so in short order, he went in the apartment, dressed in his swim trunks, got his goggles and literally almost dragged me to the pool himself. And he spent the next 45 minutes swimming in the pool and then warming up in our building spa. While there, I took the time to finish up my steps. And I got to my usual 11,000 and 70 active minutes today pretty quickly. Except... I felt tired afterwards. What's this now? Is this the steps? Was it because I had a full-on weight workout too? Or is it some of the fields I've been listening to that I needed to get some rest from? Johnnie eased into the usual watch-Pokemon routine although by the time we got back it was nearly 8 PM already. I had to remind myself today is literally Summer Solstice - the first official day of summer and the LONGEST day of the year. Still, I literally felt tired. And when you're tired the solution is simple. Get some rest. And when 9 PM came, I zonked pretty quickly. Pretty long day for Johnnie and I to be sure but a pretty good one too.

Monday Summer Week "2"

It is a Monday, and although it's not quite Summer Solstice yet (that would be tomorrow), it definitely is feeling like summer already. Just look at the pic when I walked out the door for the Monday Morning walk. That definitely looks like a warm summer day at 8 AM. And for me, I'm thinking I'm feeling the effects of all the fields I listened to yesterday. I was kind of like all over the place with all the audios. I listened to fields on reversing age, fields on raising my vibration, fields on specific things like eyesight regeneration, fields on healing, and of course those fields from Spirituality Zone which I thought was a pretty good match for those from Sapien/Enlightened Beings. Anyway all that to say I'm pretty sure my body was trying to acclimate to changes, energetic or otherwise. And I do say that I believe yesterday afternoon's session would probably have the most effects of anything I have ever done. Positive effects anyway. It felt like I was just about to or already have cracked some kind of code. Certainly the one for interacting with the subconscious. It's like I knew you had to "attune" to these subtle energies and learn how to interact with them. And yesterday I felt like I was finally starting to learn how to do just that. And so with that it felt like I slept through the night and when I looked at my Fitbit, one particular metric stood out. That would be breathing rate while asleep. It had jumped all the way to 16 when it averaged 9 in forever. But my resting heart rate stood steadfast at 61, which meant there would be times when I would be breathing rapidly. And I will say it seemed like I had a lot of dreams too. When it felt like I was awake. Anyway I tried to do some meditation on what the week would be like. But honestly this is the week after Tech Council Meeting and I didn't expect it to be busy at all. I know my team has stuff going on... EHR Team will be down 1 for a while, IS Team in the middle of a Network Implementation, Data Team Ship back from vacation and probably looking at a heap of work. But all that didn't even make me worry in the slightest. It's like I know we will be just fine and I will look good and will have created tremendous value in the end. Really all I needed to focus on this morning was timecards and the HRSA survey which I had done every other Monday for more than a year and a half now. I did the timecards last night. So check. And by noon, I was done with the HRSA Survey too.

AND I will note that I was at 5000+ steps and 44 active minutes by 9:30 AM. And I had breakfast and a shower before my EHR Team Meeting at 10 AM. They sounded a bit down but not beaten so that's a good thing. I will help them through the next 8 weeks. In the meantime, what bothered me was that now there was some pain in my left elbow, to be sure from doing all those pull-ups. I still managed 10 in one set and couldn't do more than 5 after that. I struggled to get to 25 but at least I got there. About the ache? One more thing to discover a morphic field to help it heal. I kept listening to some more stuff in the morning and through lunch, only interrupting the steady stream to go out in the middle of the afternoon to pad my step count. By 5 PM I was already thinking about the Johnnie hand-off tonight. I had it in my mind that there would be some 'strangeness' with Lisa and noted to myself that THAT was my Ego and I was likely to perpetuate that on myself. You know... the whole everything is ME PUSHED OUT thing. Sure enough, Lisa didn't answer the 2 times I called her around 6:30. It was 7:10 PM when she called back and I was already headed to her house to at least pick up Johnnie's book bag and computer. Of course she had to talk about herself and to complain about stuff. Joy not getting there until Friday <though I'm sure they had a pretty good time all weekend>, FeiFei all of a sudden cancelling plans for some kind of kids adventure the first week of July that Lisa couldn't possibly reschedule. Sucks to be her I know LOL. I cannot deny I was irritated that she didn't answer back and meet MY expectations. Though really I got Johnnie back by 7:30 and that was all I could ask for right? I had already had dinner, he already had dinner and Lisa was too zonked to do anything else anyway. WHAT I TOLD MY EGO-SELF was that Lisa becomes a problem only when I allow her to be and when I choose her to be. I simply have to choose differently. And tonight that meant simply having Johnnie for the rest of the week. Who cares what she thinks about anything we do? She ain't going to be around to give a shit. And with that, Johnnie was back with me <see pic>, back to watching Pokemon, I'm back to walking the dog, and we're back to early self evenings. That's a good thing. With all these fields I listen to now, I'm going to need some extra rest. At least I'm feeling back to normal today and that is REALLY GOOD.

Happy Fathers Day To Me

So today is Father's Day Sunday but really all I've got going is the normal golf Sunday at Harbor. And that is enough for me actually. I looked back at Father's Days past and last year it was the same. Played golf at Roosevelt, then home and chill. But I also got to spend Saturday with Johnnie. This weekend, with the Maui folks visiting I resigned myself to not seeing Johnnie for the entire weekend and that's ok. I'm not going to lie I was kind of hoping Lisa would invite me at least for a meal, but if that's too much to ask well that's ok too. I'll be disappointed but I will respect and be ok with it. For us dads, we're very simple minded about these things anyway. We don't require a present, or even an acknowledgement for that matter. WE know what we do. I KNOW what I do. Am I a good dad? I try to be. I try real hard. I can't say there are things I wish I would do over already. But in the end, Johnnie I think is well on his way to being a generally happy, well-rounded, fairly balanced kid. I mean I think he is that now which speaks to me and Lisa doing a pretty good job considering the 2-home situation. And so this morning is yet another try at using subtle energies and manifestation processes in order to manifest a golf game that would make me happy. I want to feel good that I played well. I know I'm going to hit my share of crap shots. Or do I? Have I lowered the bar so much? All I know is that the last couple of weeks was proof positive to me that I was not focused on the right things and that I was trying too hard to play well instead of simply letting the game come to me. I focused on simply releasing the shot to the moment. And I will say, sometimes I got it, sometimes I didn't. First hole was the case in point. I hit a monster shot right off the tee well over 225 yards and right down the middle. It was probably the best shot I have ever hit off this first tee. And I didn't think about it. I simply looked at the fairway, looked at the ball, imagined clocking it and that was exactly what I did. Now the second shot I already knew I got into my own head and I floated a weak grounder that dribbled barely 50 yards. The 3rd shot though I didn't think about either. I was talking to Scott in fact. I just casually flipped it on the green. I missed my par putt, but you get the picture. The 2nd hole was horrendous. A decent tee shot and then 3 straight flubs. I focused on not messing up instead of seeing in my mind what a great shot would look and feel like. And so I messed up and conjured up my own terrible shots. I should have focused on the shots. And where I wanted the shots to go. And most importantly I should have released and let go. Instead, I was not focused properly when I hit the ball. At least I got my shit together towards the end. I finished with 3 straight bogeys, missing make-able par putts on 7,8, and 9. On the drive home I tried to figure out the difference between the last 3 holes from the horrendous middle 3 holes  2,3,4 and 5. That was subconscious programming taking over and defaulting to shit golf. How did I get out of it?Truth is I don't know. Muscle memory starting on Hole 6? Crushed the ball off the tee on Hole 7? Nice tee shot on Hole 8 too? I got into a much better rhythm. And that in the head was what I needed to do. Get in rhythm. I am a streak shooter. Always has been. I didn't visualize properly on the bad holes. Glad I got in rhythm though. That is what I need to work on too. How to get in rhythm.. intentionally.

The rest of the day I spent on my couch. I never did get a phone call from Lisa and as I said that was perfectly ok. For Father's Day I gave myself a break from my new eating patterns and went into some old ones. Turkey sandwich with Cole slaw from Bristol Farms. And later on I grilled me some nice barramundi that went perfectly with the cucumber tomato salad. And then I spent the rest of Sunday on the couch. But I did not spend it watching TV like I would usually do. Instead, I focused on internal stuff. And got a VERY productive learning afternoon. I learned how to use affirmations the right way in order to re-program my subconscious, where I know most of my issues lie. This video sort of just came up and it was exactly what I needed to address the reverse polarity issues of my manifestation, as in I am getting the opposite outcomes of what I am trying to manifest. I still think the kidney stone pain from a month ago was a direct result of this. Instead of getting rid of stones, I focused on it and thus created them. So the video talked about working with the subconscious resistance and turning around by asking questions instead of just doing regular affirmations that the Ego/subconscious negative programming is resistant to. Ha. AFFORMATIONS instead of affirmations. And then this led me to this website that had such profound morphic fields that I actually started to emotionally release and cry when I did the Do-this-when-nothing-else-is-working field. I know what energetic it was imbued with. But I felt really connected afterwards. And then the Sapien fields had me feeling sensitive to energy in my hands. Wow. I was actually feeling the results this afternoon simply by listening to the audios. A very nice first step towards becoming more consistent to be sure. I was excited afterwards. I didn't watch TV. OK that's a lie. I watched Saving Hope for a bit just to give my mind a break. After all, I was working with fields all afternoon and evening long. I am pretty certain I will be seeing results this time. And THAT is exciting.

Recharge Saturday

I slept in today until almost 8 AM. That's because I stayed up watching TV last night until well past 1 AM. Which is actually ok since I didn't have any plans for today. No Johnnie, no work, I just decided I needed a TANK DAY on a Saturday. And all that meant was that I needed to resist the urge, the feeling that I had to do something. Especially at this time when I am learning to dissolve my EGO Self and simply be satisfied in the feeling that everything is ok. Yet I didn't feel like vegging on the couch watching TV either. And so I figured I would catch up on all the learning I needed to do. OR simply let things go the way they would. Reminding myself that my only focus today was to fade out those thoughts that I had to accomplish something or that I needed to be somewhere.  I did start with those morphic field audios on the baseline. By that I meant the ego dissolve stuff from Sapien. And somehow I ended up reading an article on the Law of Polarity. I wonder whether the instances where I manifest the exact opposite of what I want is simply that law in action. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. The intent may be present, but the emotional content may have been working against the intent. By that I mean that I was focused on the opposite. One cannot eradicate the opposite. There cannot be cold without hot. Happy without sad. But you cannot get happy when subconsciously you're programmed to do sad. And THAT is what I want to learn to do. I manifest the opposite because subconsciously that is what I am pointed to, that is really what I am focused on. Which, in turn, means I have a lot of cleaning up and clearing to do. I know listening to those morphs fields help, but it may need consistent installation daily in order for those things to undo decades of programming. Kind of like a rubber band when stretched in a different way, will tend to revert back to the old form until it doesn't because you keep stretching it that different way consistently. Some patterns need that, others might change instantaneously. And therein lies the work. To me, that is the work that I wanted to do today. I had a goal after all. And that is to create lasting positive change to the outcomes that I want. 

And so I let myself simply go through the chain of morphic fields to listen and I did that all morning. So much so that I actually forgot to have breakfast. Like I wasn't even hungry at all. And when I felt like eating, I made myself a stir fry with plant-based meat. The problem was that the plant-based meat turned out mushy and ruined the stir-fry. Still I ate a couple of bowl fulls just so I wouldn't be hungry. And then since I didn't really feel like I got enough sleep last night, I took a nap right after eating. And woke up an hour-and-a-half later. I ended up with more than 6 hours of good sleep after all LOL. Back to the audio fields I went and this time I was led to cleaning and clearing but not just in my lifetime. I ran into a field that did that for your DNA from your family and your family's lifetimes. That's plural. As in, your ancestors. Turns out that a parent can pass on biological imprints to their children. I wonder how that works with adopted kids like Johnnie? I mean does he get the imprint from his birth ancestors and then ours (mine and Lisa's as well? The indication that I got was that I am here in this lifetime in order to stop the passing of that energetic and I can only do that by working on me first. I cannot heal my family. But I can heal myself. OK then. I accept that and I am up to the challenge. By the time I got off the couch it was nearly 3 PM. It was still a nice warm day out. Not quite hot just yet and that is just fine. I walked to Ralphs, started the grocery shopping activity for a Saturday. Then Sprouts. Replenished my food supply for the week. I did notice for the 2nd day in a row that I was barely at 2000 steps late in the afternoon. Unlike yesterday though I got my active heart rate going and so I finished with almost 80 active minutes today and did it in less than 11,000 steps. I figured I went 11,000 yesterday and I could ease up a bit today. I did watch TV anyway. I figured after almost an entire day of listening to morphic audios, watching TV would be a different type of an activity. Remember I'm trying not to have to do anything today. Did that make me feel more relaxed? Actually I think it did. Certainly more centered and a lot less negative, though that may have more to do with the fact that I didn't really come in contact with a whole lot of people today. And that's ok too. People aren't the enemy. I simply need to work on protecting my own energy. A different kind of work to do.

The Steve Deutsch Birthday

So June for me had traditionally had a unique time marker. That would be the Dr Deutsch birthday lunch usually around mid-month. This TO ME was the unofficial ushering in of summer. I had been going to Steve's bday lunch for more than 2 decades now and when Delia Vogel sent out the text invite via Dexter, of course I accepted. Funny looking back at old posts around this time, I randomly flipped to 2010 and found the post about going to Steve's old office where they were doing a potluck for his birthday. Flipped to 2015 and it was a surprise gathering at Il Cielo restaurant on Burton Way. I even remember the last time Lisa went to one of these in 2018 at Gen-wa, after we had had a massive fight the day before on the drive back from Palm Springs. My marriage was slipping away already, a month before I left Maplewood, and STILL I went to Steve's lunch. <Not to worry about negative memories, I quickly turned right around and THANKED Lisa mentally that I am right now exactly where I want to be>.  Anyway I got to the Henry restaurant on Robertson a couple of minutes before noon. Got a sweet parking spot a half a block away with money still in the meter for an hour. Awesome. This restaurant used to be called the Newsroom. And where the old Pacific Theaters used to be that housed the Cedars-Sinai outpost where I started to work as a temp all those years ago in the early 90s. Walking up to the restaurant I had to smile at the swanky Ivy restaurant with all the valets in front of it. Ahhh West Hollywood. Philma and Delia were in the front waiting for me and it was genuinely good to see them again. I told both of them I had spoken to 'Dexter just yesterday and unfortunately he had just tested positive for COVID <Damn!> and so clearly we would not be seeing him today. Shortly after we got seated, Steve walked up from his office, and Tom Gordon joined! It turned out this would be it for today's lunch. Used to be a much larger group but it didn't really matter who was or wasn't here.  I always appreciate connecting with any of my old Cedars-Sinai team because this was my original FAMILY. Steve and Tom were 2 of my original mentors and we all spent a great deal of time catching up of course. Heck even Lisa brought up for a split second yesterday that maybe she and Johnnie could show up. She would have liked the more intimate gathering. And she was here in spirit anyway considering Tom and Steve both brought up their recent dental experiences with her, including the amount of money Tom dropped for his procedures LOL LOL. Anyway of course I had to share recent pics of Johnnie, and I was happy to see everyone's family growing too. Steve now a new grandfather himself and of course Tom's brood of grandkids has grown as well. It was amusing hearing them talk about all the stuff currently going on at Cedars-Sinai and how the current group of doctors seem like they only want to stay 2 years based on a survey. Really not that far removed from our set of docs at QueensCare huh? Tom bugged me about my job of course, not remembering that I have now been with my company going on 9 years in less than a month. Of course we had to talk finances and investments. And of course Steve had to talk about golf that he never gets to play anymore. I felt bad when he said the last time he played golf was the last time we played on a Friday afternoon. Man, that had to have been 6 years ago or so. I promised him I'd schedule a game in the Valley when he got back from vacation in July. All in all it was a nice lunch. I had mahi mahi fish tacos and some corn and today I wasn't going to worry about glycemic indexes and such. I even had some of the bread pudding Tom ordered for the table for dessert. I mean this IS a birthday lunch isn't it? This was probably the most sugar I had consumed in forever. Months. And so I expected a bit of a crash when I got home. As it was I pre-empted said crash by taking a nap. And I knocked off for a good hour and when I woke up it was already past 4 PM. The first thing I thought of was that I barely had 2400 steps at this point. Funny how ingrained the habit of 11,000 has been. Not lost on me was that I heard Steve and Tom walked every Saturday morning at 8:30 AM now. And so you can say I focused the rest of Friday on getting to my 11,000 <see pic> walking around my neighborhood, nice early summer day as it had turned out to be.  Normally of course Lisa would be working and I would have picked up Johnnie from school. New routines for the summer and especially tonight since they are supposed to be hanging out with Joy and Kalani and fam once and for all. I silently and mentally sent them thoughts of love and laughter and smiled at the thought of Johnnie having such fun with Kavena and Makahinu.  As for me, it turned out to be summer Netflix night and for some reason I ended up binging on another YOUNG LOVE series called First Kill. A vampire and vampire hunter falling in love. Gee where had we seen that before. Oh yeah... werewolf and werewolf hunter in Teen Wolf. Still, I watched all 8 episodes and I am embarrassed to admit that would be the reason I stayed up until almost 2 AM! W-h-a-t? Oh well. I'm glad tomorrow is Saturday and I can sleep in as late as possible...