What Needs My Attention?

So last night I noticed my Higher Self was communicating something causing some pain and discomfort in parts of my body. Nothing major mind you. A cold sore on the right side of my cheek near my upper lip. A wound that appeared out of nowhere on my left thumb. By themselves, they did not seem out of the ordinary, except in you are like me and believe now that all this is communication from inside myself. And the pain, though not really all that bad, was still strong enough to catch my attention. I'm thinking of what i was doing before all that sort of bubbled up in the evening. I thought about all the tests the Universe seemingly flung my way all day. I know I still need to work on mindset mostly. I know I need to work on what I need to release that is causing pain. Did the dinner with Lisa and Johnnie last night bring up stuff I need to process? Did the ping from Eloisa's to-do bring up old insecurities? It must have because I was thinking of old experiences at USC Dentistry with Lois LOL. I need to remind myself that I was always enough, but that my time at USC Dentistry simply needed to come to a close and that was perfectly fine. Same thing with USC Stevens. I need to trust that the Universe is taking care of me and has my back no matter what.  In the meantime, this morning my stint to look after Westlake North was called off at the last second. PERFECT! I had held in my thought that I did not want to go in to work more than a couple of days a week. And that made it possible. Without having to go in to WN, what do I do in the morning? I don't know exactly what made me want to clean up my desk but that's what I did. I mean it had gotten dusty. No reason for that. It had gotten cluttered. No reason for that. And so this morning turned into a cleanup exercise with my home office such as it were. And that included getting rid of old hardware or at least identifying those that need to be e-wasted. Man I've collected a bunch of electronic junk over the last few years haven't I? Old ipads belonging to both Lisa and I. One still works. With old pictures from 10 years ago. Funny. Lisa and I in Hawaii. Time to dump it all. Look at the pic of all the stuff laid out. A lot of work to do. At least I was able to consolidate some more. And throw out more trash.

It occurred to me that today was my brother's birthday too. I would characterize our relationship as somewhat estranged. I mean I haven't actually said a word to him in years. And I have not wanted to. He's simply not a person I would care to spend time with. Funny that I end up marrying someone with a lot of the characteristics he has. I always felt that my brother was psychologically unstable. Reminds of - wait for it - Lisa's dad. And so Lisa ended up modelling some of those traits too. Have i not felt more than a few times that Lisa was unstable? Could it be that it was all about loving them anyway? Heck even Johnnie feels a pretty strong bond with his brothers even though they rarely see each other. He wrote in his "about me" note that his brother needs him. I'm thinking it's his little brother Neal. And maybe, more than anything the pain I felt is something I need to heal about myself. Like it's time to stop judging ME. Funny about interactions, when picking up Johnnie this afternoon, his teacher Ms Cardona was doing her own pick up for her kids and so we chatted a little. Made Johnnie show off his verbal decomposition Math skills. And she even got on him a bit for yelling at his dad. I made him ask what he was asking in a nicer manner. Gotta love it when his teacher is there to reinforce it LOL. Of course we know where he learned that tone don't we. And so tonight was just a regular old Tuesday night. Dinner at Panda Express, home for Johnnie to watch Ninjago, his latest favorite. He brought home a DIY cardboard star weapon like ninjas use. And he had a grand old time flinging it around. He kept going in to the bedroom to tell me what was going on while I was busy watching the Dodgers clinch the NL West Division title. Just another Tuesday night and we all went to bed early this time. I felt more tired than usual. Hopefully, it's because of some more healing audios. And hopefully the healing is in progress.