Scott Is Back; Questions questions questions

I had been sleeping well the last few days. And coincidentally I have noticed that I had been dreaming a lot too. Although I don't remember my dreams once I have woken up. Which is why I am writing up last night's dream right now and write what I can remember. I recall the emotional content. I remember a girl that I had once done a lot of things with and that we had somehow lost our connection. And she is off doing things without me as I am off doing things without her. And then later on, we would be in a place at the same time. And although I am trying to ignore her, she would be the one reaching out and recalling a memory of something we had once done together. As if recalling a fond memory from the past. Did I just dream about our relationship Lisa and I, and how we used to be inseparable in the early days? Once in a while I do remember those days fondly. These days, we do manage to at least have some time together, though 100% as co-parents to our son, and really not more than that. And that's ok. Last night for example I did want my alone time, my ME time back after we got home from the long drive to the OC. And I think that is fine. That is me acknowledging that our interactions has limitations. And I have long accepted those as well. So what was the dream all about exactly? Thoughts and Feelings I thought I had buried but needing to be acknowledged I think. I will always care about Lisa. She helped push me to places I could never have gotten to on my own. And maybe, just maybe, I'm needing a push once again... <Does it have to come from Lisa though? Could it come from someone else? There's the question isn't it?>

Speaking of reminders, I had one today while grocery shopping at Sprouts Culver City. I ran into Jeannie Lisella. That was totally random. As was the fact that I was there in the first place. I never go grocery shopping right after golf. But there I was. I had eaten lunch at Sidewalk Grill fairly early so I got home fairly early as well. I had not seen Jeannie in forever. I think the last time was when Lisa had to see her to fix a kink or a pain of some sort. That must have been 15 years ago. Why now I wonder? In my new understanding that nothing ever happens by accident or coincidence, this was an old friendship that represented... what? She is a healer, and the wife of one of my oldest friends from the Tony Robbins timeline <John Duffy>. I always see his posts on FB and they always made me wonder about his new path. Not that I agreed or disagreed with it, that is not my place to judge. Is it a sharing of my knowledge that is needed here? I'm still not sure. I'm ok to let that answer come to me when... 

You never know about the reasons you find people anyway. Golf is a great example. The last couple of weeks I had been paired up with other golfers at random of course. Or at least, seemingly at random.  The surface reason of course is simply to have a golf game. But then under the surface there may be other reasons too. I'm trying to be more aware. Today we got paired up with Mike, who we played with before and who is a really good golfer, Julia, a USC mech engineer grad from 5 yrs ago, and a golfer who seemingly is just over beginner <my goal is to hit double bogey round>. Julia I felt drawn to for whatever reason. So much so when I found out she walked to the golf course from the Metro station on Vermont, I offered her a ride back to the station after the game. Mind you, in the back of my mind, you hear about these kidnappings of people because there ARE people with bad intentions out there. And who can tell? In other words, how could Julia know what my intentions were? Still I offered and maybe my focus should be WHY I was so compelled to do so? Couldn't be simple physical attraction could it? Seriously? I mean the girl is young enough to be my daughter for crying out loud. Maybe it's not about me, maybe it's about what she needed to focus on. And maybe it's about watching these compulsions of mine and learn what is from within and learn what is just habit. Speaking of habit, Scott was back from his travels today. We hadn't played together in more than 3 weeks and I was glad to have him back. As far as the golf, I played much better than I had in the last couple of weeks. I actually had a par on Hole 7. Barely missed out on the 2nd par at Hole 3. Had a great Hole 5 that should have been a par as well that turned into a 6 <had a par putt lined up>. And on Hole 2, despite a whiff from the fairway, I also had a 6. That's because I had a booming blast from the tee. I didn't play great, but I played ok. And that was good enough for today. So the night ended with Lisa calling about Johnnie's Family Tree project. She was filling in my part of the tree. I can't even say how embarassed I was that I had research the names of my own grandparents. Maybe it is MY family history, at least on my father's side, that I need to learn about. Anyway it was a pretty satisfying day, even as there were questions I still need to find clear answers to. Part of the daily puzzle isn't it? Sigh.