Dad and Son Dodger Game

I knew there would be some sort of fall-out from the argument with Lisa last night. I simply did not expect it to come from where it did. And that was from Johnnie's class. In his teacher's weekly emails was a little exercise she wrote about. This week's exercise was about communication and apologizing. And wouldn't you know Johnnie would describe our argument last night. See below. I know Johnnie's teacher was simply doing this in the spirit of "no one is perfect so how can we be better" but still I'm so embarassed for Lisa. Oblivious to these kinds of things I doubt if she would even care But I do. I most certainly do. I'm so sorry you had to hear all that Johnnie. It's our fault. 

Room 9 Kids Say the Darnedest Things

This week we had several discussions about communication and apologizing. The kiddos shared many funny stories and we learned a lot about your families! Your children and I laughed about the following... 

• "My parents are good at arguing, but I barely hear them apologize."  
• "Last night my mom called my dad just to yell at him, 5 times in the row, in the middle of the night."  
• "I have never heard my parents say sorry to each other!" 
• "Sometimes my parents tell me to put headphones on or turn the tv up loud so they can go in a different room, lock the door and yell at each other!" 

Today being a Friday and Johnnie having spent the night, it felt like a regular weekday. And it meant I wouldn't have time to do some meditation first thing. At least I remembered to lock in a tee time for next Sunday. I reminded myself it's the last day of September and the next week kicks in some busy-ness in the form of Johnnie's birthday. Of course it's a big deal. And then the week after that, Silvia makes a return visit. In fact, starting today, the social calendar seems to be filling up. I'm excited to go to the Dodgers game with Johnnie, which is why I easily rolled all the foolishness from last night right off my back. I don't care how Lisa deals with it. Johnnie and I will deal with it after we get back from the game. Today I actually had some stuff to do in the morning, work-related. And when I get my momentum going on something, I flash hard. And when I looked up it was already nearly noon and I still had stuff I wanted to get done. Such as getting my haircut. Or should I say cutting my own hair actually LOL.  I've gotten pretty good at that, especially since I cut it really short anymore. What precision do I need? I got it done in 15 minutes in fact, And then I headed over to Lisa's to bring over Johnnie's stuff so we wouldn't have to carry it in the car later. And I took advantage of being there anyway and using her nice and clean shower LOL. Yep, I took a shower. Tried to wipe out all traces of me being there LOL. And then picked up a hot food buffet lunch from Whole Foods to take home. By this time I had checked out of work mode. And I started getting ready for the game. Everything is electronic these days, including getting parking pass. I double checked everything, including what the best route for the stadium was. Nothing that wouldn't take at least an hour including navigating for parking. I moved up Johnnie's Spanish lesson by a half hour. Which meant I had to pick him up at 4 PM. Anyway, he did his Spanish lesson, I baked up some chicken dino nuggets so he wouldn't be so hungry until we got to the game. As it was, we left at 5 PM. We got to the stadium in less than an hour. But it took another hour practically to get parking. AND it seemed like we would walk almost a mile to get to the special entrance for our tickets. Turned out they were for Healthcare Worker Appreciation night. So we got a couple of sweatshirts, Elton John bobbleheads (huh?). It seemed like we walked the entire perimeter of the stadium just to get to our seats. We would find out later on we were already right back to where we had parked, except that we walked all the way around. Anyway this was our first Dodger game together JOhnnie and I. And it wasn't lost on me that I hadn't been to a Dodger game in years myself. Among JOhnnie's firsts were his first Dodger dog. And then of course we were surrounded by QueensCare people and lots of people greeted me and greeted Johnnie too. I must talk about him all the time because it was as if all my co-workers knew him. As for the game itself, I was surprised that Johnnie kept up with the balls and strikes. And he seemed genuinely interested! Clayton Kershaw was pitching so we knew that the Dodgers were likely to win. It was 1-0 when we took a pee break for Johnnie. And when we got back to our seats, it was already 5-0! We had missed a Cody Bellinger HR. Damn. That's how explosive the Dodgers are. By 9 PM we were still just in the 5th inning and Lisa called to check in on us. Sigh. I could feel the fun of the evening leaving me like air out of a balloon. We left in the 6th, Dodgers already up 8-0. This game was over. Bu since we ended up being so close to the car, and we left that early, there was no traffic and we were actually home by 9:30. We picked up Claire and then went on to Lisa's. We beat her home in fact. And when she did come home she declared she wanted to have a family meeting. I already warned Johnnie it was going to be about what he had relayed in class about our fight last night. And so he acted like he was afraid of her. Lisa of course showed no empathy, and just stood there almost silent, clueless, and awkward. And blurted something out about 'hey if you guys just want to be by yourselves, then I guess I have to be alone'. What the fuck? yeah Killjoy, we were having fun before you sucked the joy in the vicinity. I let her meander with whatever she wanted to talk about, signalling to her that I am done talking about last night.  I knew I was getting no apology and in fact, Lisa herself said that she didn't feel about how Johnnie described it because she did nothing wrong. That pretty much said it all. I just let Lisa try to catch up with Johnnie about the last few days at school and let her be mom again. As if you need some reminders for that. Or maybe I'm taking that for granted with Lisa anymore. We certainly didn't want to hear about her office. i left when it felt like mom and son weren't being awkward anymore. Hey I gotta get back first thing in the morning anyway. Lisa is working tomorrow. Yay. At least we ended September with a Dodger game experience. Wasn't THAT cool!!

Thursday's Lesson

Today's lesson: EMBRACE YOUR FEELINGS. All of them. Even the negative ones. Negative circumstances points out where our definitions are off. I would need to remember that way later. Fist things first the drop-off to school this morning was highlighted by Johnnie bringing in his TREASURE BOX. It was not due until tomorrow but he was already done so I made him take it early. Also started rehearsing what he was going to say. I loved seeing all the other kids buzzing over the box and Johnnie starting to show off some of the contents. Today being a Thursday, I already knew I had a full meeting morning. Still I felt like the brunt of the work week was behind me so when Dennis called off the last meeting, I already shifted to CRUISE CONTROL. That meant relaxing on the couch, listening to some gentle meditation and this time I actually visualized ridding myself of negative energy, whatever negative energy was stuck in my energy and physical body. And I had quite a bit of twitching happening which meant something was working. Boy did it work as I would find out later on. That also meant watching the latest episode of SEE on AppleTV and the latest episode of ANDOR. Between those 2 shows and the new Quantum Leap reboot on Mondays, you could say my SCI-Fy watchlist is no longer empty. Needless to say, the afternoon all but zipped by and pretty soon it was already time to pick up Johnnie at school. Spanish class at 5 PM. Got supplemental materials printed and everything. And he did just fine. He did the class, I made him spaghetti and a special request (from him). He wanted to go retro with Italian sausage we used to get from Whole Foods. Expensive those things were, but really really good and so I decided to have it for my dinner as well. Was it already almost 3 years ago when we started BBQing sausage and he would eat it outside? I think he DOES have fond memories of that time. That was before the pandemic. Anyway we had dinner, he went on to doing whatever play stuff he does (look at the structure I posted him trying to build) and all we had to do was wait for Lisa to call to pick him up. We waited. and waited. and waited. Just like last night. She finally called to check in at 8 PM and said she was nowhere close to being done. And had her usual litany of whining and complaining about how things suck. THERE's the negative energy that needed to come out. Because it couldn't have been just Lisa. If negativity points to places where our definitions are off from that which is peace, love, abundance, harmony, joy, then BOY something is off for me. By 9:15 PM I tucked Johnnie into bed. Usually I would drive to her house. Not tonight. And when she finally called at 9:45 I told her he was already asleep. In my apartment. That lit a match like I knew it would. She got pissed and ranted and raved. Yelled that my life is so much easier because I don't face nearly as much difficulty as she does <Like...who the fuck cares? Doesn't she realize EVERYTHING is all about choices? Can't she choose to come home? At least she doesn't have to manufacture excuses to leave meetings early> I was in no mood to listen to her tonight. She yelled, I yelled back. Outside the apartment because I didn't wake Johnnie up. Only my neighbors LOL... Fucking Lisa. It all ended with me yelling a big FUCK YOU at her and hanging up. And when she called back I did not answer. She can stew all night for all I care. THIS is the negative shit I needed to feel and release I think. Hurricane Lisa fucking up my peace and harmony yet again. I did remember that my key is getting myself back on balance. I did that by putting on some frequencies to clear and center. And went to sleep. 

QueensCare Leadership

Today was going to be meeting day all day long. First there is a Strategic Retreat in the morning for four hours at the FRB and then another 4 hours Leadership Summit for QueensCare with lunch after that. I didn't know how I was going to sneak out to get Johnnie at 4:30 PM for his Spanish class. Fortunately, it was his teacher that asked if we could move today's class, as if the Universe was intervening to make the day easier for me. No need to rush home after the last meeting. As it was I dropped him off at the gate at 7:55 and still made it on time for the 8:30 AM meeting. Yes it did feel like the Universe was making things go my way today. As far as the meeting themselves, the Strategic Retreat was already different because Eloisa's style of leadership is much more inclusive and input-driven than Barbara's was. Yes, Barbara would ask for opinions but no one offered any. It was like the leadership she had was not really conditioned to provide that level of input. Certainly I didn't feel like contributing any. This morning I did.It was all about the business decisions the Health Centers were needing to make. And it was already a welcome thing to acknowledge that past goal-setting exercises were no more than working backwards from a desired point and simply settling on a number as if from thin air. At least Eloisa wanted to engage us to find a methodology. I liked that. And then after this meeting, which at least had some follow-up items to be discussed at the next Director's meeting, we went on to the Leadership meeting. I remember the last one I was starting my new eating patterns way back in April. Today I have at least settled on not too extreme. Meaning I am eating meat again. And right before lunch I actually got a nice work out in too at the FRB gym, just like I do on Wednesdays. And for lunch it was a nice roast chicken with raspberry dressing on a salad. Worked for me. We actually did some icebreaker exercises too. The first one being how to get some random materials to create something that would keep an egg from breaking when dropped from about 6 ft. My team leader didn't get many materials. But we did manage to get the egg in a balloon and then get THAT in another balloon. Too bad our egg broke though, after I was sure our minimalist stragegy was going to work. Oh well. The rest of the afternoon was spent on QueensCare history, which made me feel more connected to the mission. ANd then on financials for both Q and QHC. Funny that I was looking at the corporate structure of QueensCare and all the parent companies and intertwining LLCs and i was thinking this was how rich people do it. No wonder lawyers play prominently. Hope it didn't look like one of Trump's organizations was all I could think of. Anyway I did get through the entire day pretty much sitting on my ass. And i still managed to get 5000 steps in by the time I headed home. And I was still able to get home before 5 PM, just in time to pick up Johnnie. I had let Lisa know there was no Spanish class today so we would just simply be going by her office at 5:30 PM to have dinner. The plan was to finish Johnnie's Family Treasure Chest project tonight all together. A nice thought for a family night. Except that Lisa booked an interview with a dentist candidate. Perfectly understandable since she had been looking for more than a week now. She told us to just get some food and she would call us when she got done. I do not like that level of uncertainty coming from Lisa. More often than not I simply get left having my time hostaged. We went to get Johnnie Panda Express teriyaki chicken and rice, and then got Lisa and me some tostada salads from El Pollo Loco. And then already almost 6:30 PM, we simply went to Lisa's backyard to have dinner there. We tried to wait for her. 7 PM. Then 7:30. Then 8 PM. I got tired of waiting so Johnnie and I simply finished the assignment without her. And when she called, it was already nearly 8:30 PM. We were already heading back to my apartment. See? My time got hostaged again. Lisa being Lisa. At least she was in a good mood when she called. Apparently her dentist interview went very well. She even said it was sweet that we went to her house and waited for her with food. Yeah it was sweet alright. I just shook my head and took Johnnie and Claire back to the apartment. The trick is not to show Johnnie how disappointed I was. So I focused on the treasure chest that we brought back to the apartment with us. That he's going to take to his school tomorrow. I was very much excited about that. And so was Johnnie. We made some flags too for all the countries he has cultural connections too. 6 countries in all. Pretty impressive really. I got to bed early again. It had been a long day. But the tough part of the week is behind me. And I am ready to cruise the rest of September away.

Tied Up Tuesday

I didn't have to go in to the office today. But uncharacteristically for a Tuesday, I had 4 meetings scheduled today, including the Q Board Meeting after lunchtime. And of course I had to let Johnnie sleep just a tad longer since he didn't get to bed until nearly 10 PM last night. Thanks for that Lisa.So tied up was I that I dropped Johnnie off at school and didn't really hang around much since I had to prep for 3 meetings back-to-back-to-back this morning. I barely had enough time to get breakfast in. There was the Call Center demo at 9, then a Spectrum bill review, and then a check-in for my upcoming talk at NACHC FOM/IT in a month. That one I am not nearly that concerned about, considering I've done it by myself a couple of times already. And then after lunch was the aforementioned Q Board Meeting. I'm not all that concerned about that one either considering I only have about 6-7 minutes tops to present my annual deal. In between I did manage to have a nice lunch at home. No matter what it is STILL a good feeling to be having lunch at home. And have time to walk Claire the dog. So much the pic I posted is off the sidewalk where she did her walk and she stopped to sniff at all those palm tree seedling drops all over the grass. Is this a sign for fall? At least for us here in SoCal? As it was the Q Board Meeting, which was the one I was most concerned of all - it IS a Board Meeting after all - had me waiting more than an hour listening to it all before I had to present. Quite a different meeting than the QHC Board Meeting which was very much operational. Here it was all about how much money was in the investment account. I guess it is definitely important when you have almost $400M in there and the stock market tanked 20%. So there is definitely a drawdown. Kind of like my own investment accounts huh? I buy something last Monday and this morning I'm down almost $2K. Damn. I definitely got caught up in the hype and tried to make a quick buck. Instead I lost. Which means my energy is not in the right place to be sure and I need to make a correction before I do anything else. 

The rest of the day after the Board Meeting I of course had to focus on my steps. Tomorrow is filled with more meetings. And in person at that at the FRB. I didn't expect to be able to do many steps during the day at least. And so I wanted to get as many steps in as I could today. AND get as many active minutes in as I could. It's like I now have a new benchmark of getting to 280 active minutes by the end of Wednesday. Of course who knew I'd end up with 172 active minutes yesterday... a day where I'm in the Health Center most of the day? That was kind of an amazing thing I pulled of right? I picked up Johnnie past 5 PM today. I figured I'd let him play out the day. I picked him up and he was practically sweating still LOL. Hey, it's basketball day for him and Spanish day too. We went to Panda Express to get our dinners and I reminded myself that Tuesday nights were the night that were really fully ours. No Lisa dinner (now on Wednesdays) no pick-up (Thursdays and Fridays) and so we could cruise and do whatever we wanted. Tonight Johnnie had it in his mind that he was going to relax in the hot tub AND play with Prodigy. See the pic I took of him doing just that. Just like his old man. Working on the computer while relaxing.  I didn't go in the water. But I did keep doing steps. So much so I got to 102 active minutes today! That meant I got to 280 steps already. On a TUESDAY! I don't care if I don't get any steps in tomorrow though I'm sure I would. I already made my 280 minutes by Wednesday thing all done.  As it as I did get to 13,000 steps too. That's more than 28,000 steps in 2 days. No wonder I was tired by the end of the evening. No wonder I was nearly dropping off to sleep while I made his milk for the night. Yeah it turned out to be a pretty busy day on a fairly busy week. ANd I was supposed to be chilling before Johnnie's sure-to-be-busy birthday week next week. Not thinking about that yet. Tonight I get to bed early, tomorrow we think about a full meeting day and finishing up Johnnie's treasure box for his family homework. Busy busy busy.

Last Week of September

The song goes "wake me up when September ends.." Well it ends this week and it's going to be a busy one for me at least for Tuesday and Wednesday. But this being Monday, I was up and about early doing my walking... actually more like a semi-walking meditation so I can go through my week. No reason it can't be an eezy-peezy week despite having all these meetings on Tuesday and Wednesday. AND helping Johnnie finish his Family Tree project. AND QueensCare Healthcare Worker night at Dodger Stadium on Friday night. AND Mama Vangie's birthday on Saturday. But I do not wish to get ahead of myself. Today it's just a full day at Westlake North again and having had the routine of doing more than 140 active minutes and 15,000+  steps the past couple of Mondays DESPITE having to go in to the clinic, today should be no different. And so I logged my 5000 steps and 50+ minutes BEFORE I started to get ready for work. Made myself breakfast and packed a couple of tuna sandwiches too for lunch. At least I enjoyed the sun coming up this morning didn't I? It's Rosh Hashana too today, which means Johnnie has the school day off. He gets to hang out with his mommy today for the entire day. AND traffic would not nearly be as bad as usual. In fact, I got to the clinic in about 24 minutes. Pretty quick for a Monday. And then I got my butt to work. Because I had all these meetings to do tomorrow, including the Q Board Meeting, I actually had plenty to do. Although I had already finished timecards and the HRSA survey by yesterday. All I had to finish was the COVID vaccine inventory. And then I could catch up on a whole bunch of other stuff. Still it had gotten hotter again and I was glad I didn't have to walk anywhere. In fact, I spent the early afternoon doing my steps, INSIDE the office with the door closed. And I made sure I got to 10,000 steps and already over 100 active minutes before I even started to go home. Today at the clinic I ran into Victoria Abcede probably keeping up with the theme of running into people I know from the past. In this case, the recent past as she just got laid off a few months ago. She's on maternity leave though so she is Ok for the time being. I didn't understand why they let her go... until the announcement came today that Emma was taking over as Director of Quality. She had that title before anyway so I guess that makes sense. The only difference was in that capacity, she had Data Analytics. I wonder if they are planning on giving that back? Personally I don't really care. I groomed Shilpa so she could pretty much run the department on her own and by herself.  I actually stayed until well past 4 PM. I figured, coming home would be as smooth as it was this morning, meaning less traffic. And I held off eating because Lisa had mentioned possibly having dnner with mom and son tonight. That turned out to be one of those Lisa-doing-something else things because she called by 5 PM and apparently she was in Sierra Madre at her parents house with Johnnie getting work done. That was ok with me, all it meant was that I would make my own dinner. Fortunately I had plenty of food didn't I? I made myself chicken and rice and chick peas masala. And I got myself pretty full actually. The only not-so-good thing was that I never heard from Lisa again until almost 9 PM. And only to respond to my call since it was already Johnnie's bedtime. They were just leaving Sierra Madre. Why she does this is beyond me. Of course she worked. But why then she involves Johnnie when she is not actually paying any attention to him is something I wish she would think about more. Johnnie KNOWS I'm a stickler for routine. And it turned out it was him telling his mom they needed to get home by 8 PM. THAT's MY BOY! Just Lisa once again doing Lisa. I cut out a whole chunk of time by putting out the bed, so all Johnnie had to do was do the milk and get his teeth brushed. They finally did get to my apartment at 9:40. Not too too bad. You can't even get angry at Lisa because (a) she was clueless to the time (b) it wouldn't do any good at all. It's like when we had a discussion about Johnnie missing the first day of school. Lisa will just do Lisa, oblivious to anyting else going on outside of her very limited world. And tonight it's ok. Johnnie got to bed anyway by 10 PM and so did I. What a way to start the last week of September.

Scott Is Back; Questions questions questions

I had been sleeping well the last few days. And coincidentally I have noticed that I had been dreaming a lot too. Although I don't remember my dreams once I have woken up. Which is why I am writing up last night's dream right now and write what I can remember. I recall the emotional content. I remember a girl that I had once done a lot of things with and that we had somehow lost our connection. And she is off doing things without me as I am off doing things without her. And then later on, we would be in a place at the same time. And although I am trying to ignore her, she would be the one reaching out and recalling a memory of something we had once done together. As if recalling a fond memory from the past. Did I just dream about our relationship Lisa and I, and how we used to be inseparable in the early days? Once in a while I do remember those days fondly. These days, we do manage to at least have some time together, though 100% as co-parents to our son, and really not more than that. And that's ok. Last night for example I did want my alone time, my ME time back after we got home from the long drive to the OC. And I think that is fine. That is me acknowledging that our interactions has limitations. And I have long accepted those as well. So what was the dream all about exactly? Thoughts and Feelings I thought I had buried but needing to be acknowledged I think. I will always care about Lisa. She helped push me to places I could never have gotten to on my own. And maybe, just maybe, I'm needing a push once again... <Does it have to come from Lisa though? Could it come from someone else? There's the question isn't it?>

Speaking of reminders, I had one today while grocery shopping at Sprouts Culver City. I ran into Jeannie Lisella. That was totally random. As was the fact that I was there in the first place. I never go grocery shopping right after golf. But there I was. I had eaten lunch at Sidewalk Grill fairly early so I got home fairly early as well. I had not seen Jeannie in forever. I think the last time was when Lisa had to see her to fix a kink or a pain of some sort. That must have been 15 years ago. Why now I wonder? In my new understanding that nothing ever happens by accident or coincidence, this was an old friendship that represented... what? She is a healer, and the wife of one of my oldest friends from the Tony Robbins timeline <John Duffy>. I always see his posts on FB and they always made me wonder about his new path. Not that I agreed or disagreed with it, that is not my place to judge. Is it a sharing of my knowledge that is needed here? I'm still not sure. I'm ok to let that answer come to me when... 

You never know about the reasons you find people anyway. Golf is a great example. The last couple of weeks I had been paired up with other golfers at random of course. Or at least, seemingly at random.  The surface reason of course is simply to have a golf game. But then under the surface there may be other reasons too. I'm trying to be more aware. Today we got paired up with Mike, who we played with before and who is a really good golfer, Julia, a USC mech engineer grad from 5 yrs ago, and a golfer who seemingly is just over beginner <my goal is to hit double bogey round>. Julia I felt drawn to for whatever reason. So much so when I found out she walked to the golf course from the Metro station on Vermont, I offered her a ride back to the station after the game. Mind you, in the back of my mind, you hear about these kidnappings of people because there ARE people with bad intentions out there. And who can tell? In other words, how could Julia know what my intentions were? Still I offered and maybe my focus should be WHY I was so compelled to do so? Couldn't be simple physical attraction could it? Seriously? I mean the girl is young enough to be my daughter for crying out loud. Maybe it's not about me, maybe it's about what she needed to focus on. And maybe it's about watching these compulsions of mine and learn what is from within and learn what is just habit. Speaking of habit, Scott was back from his travels today. We hadn't played together in more than 3 weeks and I was glad to have him back. As far as the golf, I played much better than I had in the last couple of weeks. I actually had a par on Hole 7. Barely missed out on the 2nd par at Hole 3. Had a great Hole 5 that should have been a par as well that turned into a 6 <had a par putt lined up>. And on Hole 2, despite a whiff from the fairway, I also had a 6. That's because I had a booming blast from the tee. I didn't play great, but I played ok. And that was good enough for today. So the night ended with Lisa calling about Johnnie's Family Tree project. She was filling in my part of the tree. I can't even say how embarassed I was that I had research the names of my own grandparents. Maybe it is MY family history, at least on my father's side, that I need to learn about. Anyway it was a pretty satisfying day, even as there were questions I still need to find clear answers to. Part of the daily puzzle isn't it? Sigh.

A Day In the OC

So Lisa was off early this morning to do a Mud Run near Costa Mesa, and Johnnie spent the night yet again in my apartment. I had no complaints about that obviously and we were up at 7 AM this morning and headed first thing to Lisa's house to drop off Johnnie's stuff so we wouldn't have to do it later, AND to get cleaned up. Why NOT shower at Lisa's house... not just Johnnie but me as well. So dad and son got our showers in and then off we went to Elysee for breakfast as per our usual Saturday. AND for the 2nd week in a row. I am definitely taking advantage of whatever time I can have with Johnnie on a Lisa day off. Actually we would be her ride later on so we're headed to Costa Mesa too. But not until right before lunchtime so we still managed to not only get our dad-and-son breakfast in, but we got some shopping done at Ralphs as well. We were just about to leave the house when Lisa called. They had finished the race. BUT. Heidi got injured. They were headed to the E.R. because Heidi couldn't move her elbow and felt like she dislocated it. Uh-oh. Of course Lisa had to take her. And asked me to go on ahead to Heidi's house so Johnnie can hang out with her boys, Jacob and Daniel. I didn't mind really. We would still have to pick up Lisa no matter what and I was ok with whatever plans they had in mind for the afternoon. So we dropped Claire off at Lisa's house and off we went to the Gummigs. I had not been to their house in a really long time. Years. The last time I went was one of their kids' birthday parties, I believe in July 2017. Wow. It had been more than 5 years. I remember we would watch Super Bowl games at their house back in the day too. It had been so long I had trouble finding the place even with the address already given by Lisa. The kids of course had just hung out with Johnnie the last time they had a dental appointment a few weeks ago. So there was a familiarity there. Since Lisa and Heidi were in the E.R. we all knew they would be there for at least a couple of hours. And so the guys went to lunch at Blaze Pizza. I had no idea they had a make-it-yourself like 800 Degrees. We do have one near my apartment. But I never thought it was like this. What was striking to me was how much Heidi's kids have grown since the last time I saw them. Daniel is 3 years older than Johnnie and  Jacob is one year older. Look at the pic I took of all of them. They are not the little toddlers I last saw 5 years ago. They actually ate up a lot of pizza, and I for one had myself a pretty decent ham and pineapple pie. This would be the 3rd day in a row I would be having pizza though. Not that I'm complaining. And then afterwards we all went to their house and waited for the prognosis with Heidi's arm. We got updates every half hour from Lisa and it ranged from "yet another X-ray underway" and a CT scan too, to updates on what the doctors were saying. It seems like she had fractured her radial head in front of the elbow, consistent with forced trauma. In layman's terms, she fell backwards on her elbow and broke the bone on top of it. Of course Jared and I would spend the afternoon reading all about it and it seemed like she now is looking having her arm in a sling for the next few weeks but should get full range of motion in tine. Kind of like when you sprain an ankle I guess. Hurts like hell, you can barely walk for a good month and then slowly it heals and goes back to normal after a couple of months. In the meantime, Johnnie had a field day playing with Jacob on Nintendo Switch. He played Minecraft and Ninjago games, the kind he would never get to play at Lisa's house. As many toys as he has in my apartment and at Lisa's house, they definitely have more toys here. They have a nerf sniper rifle for crying out loud! Anyway, the boys played for about an hour and a half. Daniel in the meantime was being punished for something so he couldn't play with them. But then we all watched the live action Pinnochio movie and almost finished it before finally the moms came home. A good thing too because I was starting to fall asleep. Must have been all that pizza. Prognosis was pretty spot on to what Jared and I already read. The takeaway for me was that the kids had a pretty fun time together and that was all I was supposed to help provide today. That and a ride for Lisa LOL. We had a long drive back considering traffic. More than an hour in fact. So you could hardly fault mom and son when they both fell asleep (see pic). Lisa did do a run this morning. And Johnnie did play all afternoon. By the time we got to Lisa's house it was already 6:30 PM. Everyone was tired and all I wanted to do myself was to get on home. Hey Lisa kept mentioning how she hadn't seen much of Johnie all week. Well she gets him for the next 2 full days. Anyway I was content to leave mom and son alone for the evening, especially since Johnie was complaining of a headache while having to get up from his contorted sleep position. And I finally get to have some ME time. What does that mean tonight? Dinner from Whole Foods. Finishing up 10,000 steps because I didn't really have much of a chance to get those today, but fortunately I had a really big cushion from the last 5 days so no problem about finishing at least at average. AND I watched the latest series from the Star Wars canon. Andor. Already looking pretty good. It was a good Saturday today. Different. But definitely another family-type feel for a Saturday. And I'm not complaining about that.

Definitely A Different Firday Than Usual

Usually on a Friday I'm up at 6 AM trying to get a tee time for Sunday 10 days later. Not today. For whatever reason, and I'd like to think it was because of all the healing and regenerative sleep stuff I've been listening to through the night for the past weeks, I slept right through 6 AM. And in fact it was Johnnie that woke me up because it was almost close to 7 AM! Yikes! Not only did I miss trying to get a tee time, I almost forgot Johnnie spent the night. This was unusual already but now I have to get him to school too. And I was out of stuff. I didn't have any Lunchables to pack for his stuff, I was running out of OJ. So we had to go to Ralphs FIRST before getting his McDonald's breakfast. We got his lunch, ran into Angie and told her we didn't see her <LOL> and scrambled back home. Fortunately, we made up time and did not run behind at all. Johnnie just didn't scooter to school like we planned, we simply drove there and got there well before 8 AM. I still had time to hang out and watch him run around before heading back home. This being a Friday I didn't really have anything calendared, except the Salesforce project meeting and I quashed the project leader's propensity for talking too much and made sure I cut to the chase and got it done in 15 minutes. And THEN I had the rest of the day to chill. Usually I'd be watching some videos. Healing videos, positive energy videos. Videos that would keep my vibration high. I didn't really do too much of those. I didn't even get to meditating this morning. Instead I let my conscious brain drone off a bit. Watched TV <latest episode of SEE> before making myself another cauliflower crust pizza for lunch. Mmmm. No need for a nap either since I really did get some nice sleep last night, albeit interrupted by Johnnie trying to wake me up LOL. I noticed it had gotten warmer again as well, but since I had already had 40 active minutes simply by running around this morning, I didn't push so hard with my steps. Hey it was hot out there. I actually got some work done this afternoon and I noticed the irritation that I felt getting pinged by all these people was nonexistent today. Which meant that I was already in a much better space. I had to be. I got a phone call mid-afternoon that Roge was at Lisa's getting a cleaning and she wanted all of us to go out to dinner tonight. That's all good. She hadn't see Johnnie since Wednesday actually and since Monday before that. So I was happy to make sure she saw him this evening, especially since she booked herself a MudRun tomorrow early in the morning. And it made sense for Johnnie to sleep at my apartment again. No need for all of us to wake up at 6 AM is there?

The day went by quickly actually and before i knew it, it was already close to 5 PM. I promised Lisa we'd get there by then so I picked up Johnnie and off we went to her office, Claire in the backseat. Roge was already done and in the waiting room. Lisa, however, was not. She was still working on stuff, which wasn't out of the ordinary for her. A lab tech even came up to discuss a case with her. Again, nothing that doesn't happen. But today I felt a put off about it. Maybe it was because Roge was there and I'm sure he had been waiting for a while already. And now we all had to wait again. On a Wednesday night I kind of got used to it. Tonight, with another person there, it bothered me. What would I do in her shoes? Would I do anything different? Maybe I'd have everyone go to Starbucks and wait for me. That way we're not sitting there like idiots. That wayJohnnie isn't bored out of his mind. At least with Roge there, it was a guarantee she wouldn't be raging on me, Johnnie or anyone else, though that only means it gets deferred until another time. I sort of fed into Johnnie's head about going to Maria's though Lisa suggested Santa Monica. I was thinking nothing too far so poor Roge wouldn't have to spend too much time driving back. In the end Maria's won out. And Roge and I actually enjoyed some really really good chicken marsala. And Johnnie had his usual bowl of spaghetti. It turned out to be a nice dinner. At least until a whole herd of girls seemingly finished from playing soccer and their parents came in and took more than half the outdoor patio we were in. The cacophony that resulted from the girls made it hard to hear each other talk after that. But that was ok. We were already done with dinner. And so it was that we concluded a very different Friday night with an affirmation that Johnnie was staying with me again for the night, although we did give him the choice. It simply did not make sense for me to get up at 6 AM just to go over there and go back to sleep anyway. It's Saturday. There was no reason for Johnnie or I to get up early. And so the different Friday night became Johnnie doing his usual bedtime routine in my apartment as if it were a weekday. I guess I won't stay up until past midnight binge watching amything tonight. And that's a good thing. I'm out with Johnnine at 10 PM. AND I had already finished timecards AND downloaded the HRSA data this afternoon. Early start for those. I will be done way early for sure. I'm already way ahead than usual :)

Chill Thursday and More Cleaning Up

I put the picture of Johnnie in the middle of his Spanish class looking very much hard at work because it showed exactly that, how hard we do make him work. It is a subtle reminder... to MYSELF as I look at how he did with his writing/grammar work at school and was again disappointed that he missed 2 out of the 5. Better than missing all of it like he did a couple of days ago, but I wanted to make sure he knew that I expected him to do better. Not because I'm that crazy parent that pushes and pushes their kid. Ok, maybe a little. But I also know he is capable of getting them all right IF he simply takes his time and think about the question or problem. That's me thinking he is just like me plowing headlong arrogantly thinking I can handle anything. I remind myself of the PMP exam the first time when I did that. When I actually got down to studying I passed it fairly easily. So to me, I need to make Johnnie understand that he has to put in the work. Just as importantly, I need to learn to be patient with him as well and not push so hard. We KNOW he is intelligent already. We simply need to push just enough so he doesn't take the work required for granted. Or he ends up like his dad, spending his Thursday with his feet propped up on the couch watching multiple episodes of the Jason Momoa series SEE on Apple TV. THAT series is in its third season actually and as far as dystopian futures go I do like it. Not too techie like 12 Monkeys. More like Walking Dead in that regard. Anyway I spent the afternoon watching it until I was caught up. And then watched ping after ping from work on my phone, either on chat or email. And I tried to ignore them all but I could also sense my own irritation building up... As in "LEAVE ME ALONE FOOLS!!". Still, better I'm here at home than at the office or the health centers like the last few days. I thought that very thing as I enjoyed some nice shrimp and channa masala and rice for lunch. I actually did have another meet-up with Candace today but she called it off and I was more relieved that I didn't have to go. Hmmm... is the steam off of that possibility gone? It's not like I felt we had a strong romantic connection anyway right?

I wanted to note that I had also been sleeping much better the last couple of nights so I didn't really need a nap after lunch. What I did do was catch up on steps AND clean up around the house. I ordered one of those kitchen carts so I can put all those appliances I now use <toaster, mini juicer, full juicer> away without cluttering up the kitchen top. Look at the pic. Much neater and does not take up much room. AND it only cost me $40. This followed all that cleaning up I did on my desk last week including all the electronic gear I needed to get rid of. The DECLUTTERING THURSDAYS continues LOL. For dinner, Johnnie and I had pizza/pasta night. He had spaghetti and Trader Joe's pizza, I had penne and meat sauce AND a half cauliflower crust pizza. You'd think we would spend some time at the hot tub but Johnnie and I got too busy actually, me on assembling that kitchen cart, Johnnie working on his new Ninjago book that he had in his mind to create. I am all for it of course. Just as soon as I drill him on more grammar and writing. Looks like we found his academic weakness. But not for long if I have anything to do about it. The evening sort of just went on until it was already 8:30 when I looked up. I didn't even notice that Lisa hadn't called yet. And when I gave her a call, she was just heading home from her parent's house <Sierra Madre>. A quick chat with Johnnie and we all agreed Johnnie would stay the night again and we would all see each other tomorrow. And so I get to have Johnnie for a Thursday night uncharacteristically. Which meant I get to sleep early again. I am NOT complaining about that at all. Just a different Thursday night is all and very much welcomed to be sure. 

FRB Day

For the third consecutive day I'm headed to the office, the first time I'm doing that since before the pandemic AND I had to be there by 8:30 AM which meant I had to drop Johnnie off at the gate by 7:50. And I made it to my old office with 5 minutes to spare. I did the Communications Meeting, did my presentation and it was all done before 10 AM. And then I went back to my office and did what I always do when I'm here. Try to do some work and then by 11 AM, get down to the gym and do some resistance reps.  Hey if I'm going to be here anyway might as well get a really good workout in. And then it was lunchtime. Today I hung out with the Q Team. Reminisced a little bit. Eating out there on the patio on a nice late September morning, the pace is definitely different. I wondered how I dealt with steps back in the day before the pandemic. I would go up to the 5th floor and do them there with no one looking. Or I would take a walk outside the downtown LA neighborhood in the afternoon. I didn't have time to do that today. In fact, I got put to work since Noriel had the day off and Larry called in sick. I did a software fix for Eloisa and Guadalupe. Hey I can still do techie work couldn't I? I took off at 3 PM today, the latest I had stayed at the FRB. I was still home by 3:30 walking the dog and getting my steps in. And then it was time to pick up Johnnie already. This being Wednesday we had to go to Lisa's office to do Johnnie's Spanish class and then we would usually go to dinner. But Lisa's soccer game has been moved to Wednesday nights so I'm not sure how tonight is going to play out. But I am willing to play it by ear tonight. I picked up Johnnie and his first question was where we were going to go to dinner. I had no answer since I didn't know myself. Hey most of the time we're wondering when we would ever get to leave for dinner anyway, and wonder what kind of mood Lisa would be in. Today she seemed ok, but then again you never know. Johnnie did his class while I parked myself in one of the operators for a half hour and enjoyed the view (see pic). I had to listen to Lisa being the cute dentist with all the info to a patient and I thought this was why she was empty mentally and emotionally most of the time. She does give it all in those interactions. She is wired in that way. When Johnnie got done with his class, Lisa pronounced that we had to go since she had a game at 7:30. She even suggested Daikokuya Ramen which was already more than I expected. We even walked there which gave me more than enough steps for the day already. And we had ribeye steak salad, sashimi, and of course Johnnie's usual ramen. It was actually a very nice dinner. For her part, Lisa claimed she was on overwhelm and she says it's because she has to interview dentist candidates. I mean I have 2 open positions I have to interview for so I'm not feeling that much sympathy for her. But I tried to be supportive and sympathetic and let her solve her own overwhelm. In the meantime, we walked back, there were lots of talks and laughs which was really the VERY BEST I could hope for and then Johnnie and I headed on home. I promised that I would give Claire a bath tonight which was what I did. It had been a really long time and she stunk. She really needed this bath. Johnnie accepted that we wouldn't be to the hot tub tonight but then again we still have the rest of the week. Besides, I discovered some school work he did today where he scored 0/5. ZERO? Oh hell no. I drilled him on the stuff he missed, which was half because he was careless, and half because he didn't take his time to really ask what the question meant. He was being like his dad and got arrogant about his own intelligence. And fell flat on his face. Which gave me a teaching opportunity for him. He knew I would not be messing around and was almost apologetic. Anyway we did his drills and I was confident he picked up what he needed to learn, smart as I know he is. And so middle of the week was over, rest of the work week looks to be much easier and quieter and I am looking forward to that. 

Picture Day

Today is Johnnie's Fall Picture Day at school and fortunately his hair has not outgrown itself just yet and he can look presentable. He had even picked the shirt to wear himself. Anyway it took a bit longer to get him ready this morning and I made SURE to take a picture of what he was supposed to look like, knowing full well with all the running around he does when he first gets to school, his hair is NOT going to turn out the same.  I even brought a comb with me dropping him off and I knew somehow he is still going to muss up his hair. We won't know until the pictures come out though. In the meantime, I did take a pic of he and Brooklyn because they look so cute together. When I heard him call her by a nickname, <Brookie> I couldn't help but think that my son's heart is already spoken for LOL. Anyway, I walked off the schoolyard with a smile on my face and headed off to Westlake North. This would be the first time I'm going there on consecutive days actually and I didn't really mind it anymore. Except that maybe today the energy is different. The traffic was unusually heavier and even getting to the clinic took me a while, as in I didn't get there until almost 9:20. And it was like that all day actually. It just seemed like there was a different energy today and there was resistance to eezy-peezy and I was focusing on it somehow. Just goes to show you really need to be up on the mental diet stuff or other-than-positive forces creep up on you. The workday at WN was actually more eventful than usual too. 2 of my EHR support staff were there <Yolanda and Yessica> and so I took them out to Chipotle for lunch. Helped me get my steps in as well. And by later in the afternoon it had gotten busy. So much so I needed to move my car from the parking lot to allow for more patient parking. Since it was already almost 3 PM by this time, I decided to bail. And I got home inside of 30 minutes. I felt like I had put in a full day by this time anyway. AND I had already finished the one thing I needed to get done which was to get my presentation for the Communications Meeting tomorrow finished. I thought I had time to take a nap actually. But I didn't. I just chilled until it was time to pick up Johnnie. After all, Tuesday has become my only full day with him just he and I for the entire evening from when I pick him up. There are routines built in to what we do. And tonight I told him we needed to do at least one thing for his Family Tree project as well. Which was the source of the last picture on this post. Johnnie wanted to include the picture of his family, which included his birth family in it in his treasure chest. I already had a picture, but I thought we needed to laminate it so nothing would happen to it. And so off we went to Staples to get THAT done. There was Johnnie posing next to the cardboard house which of course he was trying to get me to consider buying LOL. I told him we only had 22 minutes left until 7:30 which we needed to make IF and only IF we were still going to go to the hot tub. Well of course that was a mandatory for Johnnie. HE was the one rushing me to get home so we could go!! And so of course we went. It was a bit cooler tonight than previous evenings. A fast sign summer is finally beginning to give way to Fall. There was still a breeze, but it wasn't a cooling breeze. More so a cold breeze. And I was the one clinging on to one of the towels we brought. Surprisingly Johnnie was not cold at all. In fact he started with a swim in the regular pool! I can remember when he would resist swimming in the middle of a hot day because it got a little cold in there. Not tonight I guess. He not only got to play in the hot tub, but he swam in the pool multiple times, switching back and forth. And when we got done, he showered off all the chlorine too. Can't say he wasn't clean tonight! And so we had a pretty full Tuesday Johnnie and I, me at work and at home, and Johnnie getting Spanish and basketball done as well. That's our Tuesday for ya. And I STILL as able to do cookie night too. But then we were both pretty tired by 9:30 PM. And dad and son were dozing off to sleep not that much later than that. 

Monday At Work and At Rest

I woke up this morning and it felt like negative energies were somehow bubbling up to the surface first thing. A good thing I knew I had to sit and meditate for a bit. And I extended that meditation space to doing it while walking around my neighborhood first thing. After all, it IS Monday and the goal is still to do at least 15,000 steps today, which meant I had to get to 5,000 even before I headed off to work. Yes, I'm babysitting Westlake North clinic again this morning, which really isn't so bad. I had a bunch of meetings anyway so I can easily do those while playing WN Manager. BUT I definitely had to get my first 1/3 of my step goal done first. And so it was that I delved right into the negative emotions and sort of did modified tapping while walking. "Even though I am feeling fear, fear of losing my job, fear of uncertainty, I know that I provide MASSIVE VALUE. That is all I can do and I will keep doing it. And I will trust that the UNiVERSE HAS MY BACK and is always operating in my TRUE BEST INTERESTS. I acknowledge that these negative feelings of fear are just programs and patterns created by a part of me that needs to create chaos. I accept that part of me where it is, just as I accept the part of me that can simply say "No THANK YOU" as I do now. And so I release these feelings of FEAR now. I release feelings of LACK. I release feelings of NOT ENOUGH. I AM ENOUGH. As I have ALWAYS BEEN. I CAN RELEASE AND LET GO." Just reading the words back right now as I write them gave me a feeling of peace. And in that space I KNEW I was going to have a good day. I got my steps in, got showered, packed 2 tuna sandwiches and the half can of tomato bisque soup for lunch, and headed off. Unlike last week, there was hardly any traffic on the freeway. Likely a reflection of the more harmonious and positive patterns I was able to replace those negative thoughts with. I got to the WN clinic, worked there pretty much all day (or at least until 4 PM), didn't leave because I had my lunch, and got to 10,000 steps before I left even. AND 100 active minutes already. And I got some productive work done too, Even the drive home was smooth and relatively traffic-free, unlike last week when it felt like I was stuck in stop-and-go traffic and then came home to being locked out of my own building LOL. 

The energy of peace and calm and harmony stuck the entire day actually, which made this a pretty good day. It was still nice and warm out when I got home but the breeze felt refreshing and I took advantage by walking some more outside, at least until it was time to pick up Johnnie. I got to Lisa's house just as they were finishing dinner. Johnnie was already all packed up and he was excited to go to the hot tub tonight. What? On a Monday night? Usually Lisa would be keeping us as late as she could... or making us participate somehow in her soccer games. But soccer is now on Wednesdays <I wonder how that is going to affect Wednesday night dinner night?>, AND she already said she wanted to watch Schitt's Creek since it is leaving Netflix the first week of October.  I wanted to finish the last episode of the latest season of Roswell, New Mexico. Weird seeing Shiri Appleby as a 40+ year old in this series playing a new character,  where she was playing a high school teenager as a lead role back in the 90s. We all move on don't we? Johnnie got his wish and we got home early enough where he quickly dressed in his swim trunks and literally dragged me to the pool. He didn't care if he got to play for 10 minutes, a half hour, an hour, he was going to go. And I was glad. As he quietly glided underwater, I sat and simply enjoyed BEING THERE. It was still warm out, since it isn't officially fall yet. I'm not ready for the weather to get cold just yet. I simply enjoyed feeling the breeze on my face, and listening to the trees being blown about. Peaceful harmony. And when Johnie got done, we shifted back into regular Monday night mode. That is, Ninjago movies for him, watching cable TV for me. Dodgers win. Again. Even fielded a call from Candace about meditation. Still watching to see if romantic feelings bubble up. Well see... Monday Night Football. Man the Bills look like a juggernaut. But it's week 2. I was so relaxed this evening my BP was well below 120/80. Don't know why I had to take a measurement really. Just checking. As I said I had finished 15,000 steps and almost 150 active minutes. And I got to bed at a decent time. Everything is all good.

Golf Sunday, A Date, and Some Quick Family Time

So this is golf Sunday and for the second Sunday in a row, I'm playing as a single to join a group. There is always some concern about uncertainty. Who do I play with? Are they going to be good golfers? Will I suck out there today? I hope the people I end up playing with are nice. I alleviated all this by reminding myself that Scott and I have been playing just the two of us for more than a year now and we've pretty much been always teamed up with nice people. I can't think of any exceptions actually.  And so I headed off to an earlier-than-usual tee time because that was the only tee time I could get just days before.  The tee time was 8:20. Not too early but early enough where I knew we would get done before 11 AM and that's a good thing because I had lined up a date afterwards for a late lunch. And so cutting to the chase, I was grouped with a two-some and a lady playing by herself. And so I felt better about my golf abilities, also reminding myself that the last time I got overconfident playing with 2 guys much older than me, I played terribly. And on hole 1, I whiffed right off the bat. What-in-the-heck? I barely was able to shoot a 6 on the first hole which I had gotten par on for 3 consecutive weeks just a few months ago! I hit the tee shot better on the next hole, but whiffed again from the fairway on the way to a 7. Way to start today's game. A 5 on the next hole par 3 did not help me feel better. Finally on Hole 4 I hit my first really good shot, a 200+ blast from the tee. Got on in 2. And proceeded to 3-putt to a bogey. Damn. Blew my chance for the par. On the next hole, I whiffed off the tee again before I depostied a 5-iron from the fairway well past the hole on the way to another double bogey. 5 holes halfway done and I only have one decent hole. I can play better than this couldn't I? Not on Hole 6 though I hit another good tee shot. Right in the middle by the halfway flag, I whiffed again way right. I NEED to shorten my swing and keep it relaxed from the fairway!!! I got on in 3 on Hole 7 but again 3-putted to a double bogey. Hit the tree on Hole 8 and did another double bogey. And then had my best tee shot on hole 9, but whiffed the shot right after and then blasted the next shot pin high but way wide right. I only 2-putted that hole but still hit a double bogey. So I did not play well and I did not focus on my shots, I was just up there hacking away. Fortunately, the people I played with WERE nice, so much so they asked for my phone number to invite me to play with them again. That's always good... maybe I join a new group? At least we got done before 11 AM just like I thought...

So i texted Candace to see if we could move up the 2 PM meet-up. And she moved it to 1 PM IF we went to Olive Garden in Torrance. DEAL! I had time to swig down some pineapple juice and then made tuna salad for the week before taking off right after noon and I got there in 45 minutes. I didn't really have much of a breakfast so I was a little hungry. Candace had just come from church and looked pretty good. The sobering thing to me was how much older I look in the picture I posted and so being with someone like Candace who is my age, well I could overlook her own signs of age that are perfectly normal. This isn't my dating days when I was in my early 40s living in Beverly Glen. We had a perfectly nice lunch catching up and then we went on to Coffee Bean after where I turned into Yoda. Candace has similar beliefs as I do with metaphysical stuff and so doing muscle testing right then and there at the coffee shop wasn't too strange.  We left after hanging out for 3 hours and the funny thing was as soon as I got home and gotten sat down on the couch, I get a call from Johnnie. He wanted me to bring the fishbowl I used to use for Goldie that I am no longer using obviously. It was just sitting there for over a year on my kitchen table. I guess they had bought some goldfish. Sigh. More fish. But I was happy to bring the bowl on over. So quite spontaneously I ended up spending a little time with Johnnie and Lisa on a Sunday night which never happens. I was a little short on patience because i was tired actually. I had had a long day. It wasn't lost on me that here I am spending time with my 'family' not even an hour from coming home from a date. It was like the Universe was reminding me that they are definitely around. I hung out until 7 PM, helping Johnnie with his Family Tree project. It occurred to me that I didn't even know very much about my own family, particularly my father's side. Heck I don't even remember the names of my own grandparents! That's embarrassing. Now I'll have to ask Grace to help Johnnie populate his tree. I went on home and watch House of Dragon's latest episode. Had dinner from WHole Foods hot buffet. Watched some more Roswell. It was a long Sunday but it had been a pretty good week actually. I thought about what I was grateful for all week as I drifted off to sleep. And asked for more of the same for next week...

Back to Johnnie Saturday

We hadn't had a regular Johnnie Saturday in a month, considering Lisa hadn't worked in a Saturday in that long. But today she does and I was looking forward to it, especially considering I had had somewhat of a win last night with one of the Universe's tests, this one being another Lisa blow-up episode. Here I was thinking I was going to rescue Johnnie from that and I ended up helping Lisa de-escalate actually. And more likely she de-escalated herself after another poor way to express her own anger. But express it she did and by the time I got there, there was no need for the Johnnie rescue. I simply eased her into whatever needed to be done to normalize the situation, which really was simply to put her sheets in the sink to soak. Sounded simple but effective. And so this morning I looked forward to picking up Johnnie and spending the day with him. And I'm going to start this post with what would be the worst thing that happened today, which was Johnnie got to see a different parenting style from me. He once said what his mom and dad had in common was that we both yelled, my yelling happens on the road when I'm driving and directed at other drivers and I know I have to work on that. But today it wasn't about yelling thank God. Johnnie and I went to the yard to hit some balls and after just two pitches, instead of throwing me the ball, Johnnie hit it well past me and we had to stop to look for the ball. He did this twice and I told him if he did it a third time, we would stop playing. He did it a third time. We stopped playing. I told him I was disappointed he didn't listen. Not yelled. Simply told him. And I told him as punishment he would have to do reading instead of watching his videos. It actually was a good break for me because I got to work on my presentation for the Q Board Meeting next week that was due yesterday and that I didn't get around to doing. I did it right then while Johnnie was reading. Pretty good that I got it done actually. And Johnnie in the meantime was reading this book about trivia and facts and after a bit, started to come into the room and started giving me these facts actually, as if he was sharing. He knew I wasn't mad anymore. How could you stay mad at this kid anyway? I told him punishment done after I got done with writing up my powerpoint. And he could go back to watching Ninjago. I thought I handled that ok. At the very least, better than yelling at him and scaring him anyway. I mean he was just playing the way he always does. I would never want to suppress that. It was all about listening to me was what I wanted to make sure he remembered.

So if that was the worst thing that happened today, the rest of the day really went like a routine Saturday. I picked up Johnnie and Lisa was already in a much better state than last night. She even asked me to sit with them for breakfast <although I had already planned to do the routine breakfast at Elysee with Johnnie>. I think it was her way of keeping up HER routine of doing something as a family, which was really nice considering we had had a pretty good last couple of Saturdays (Cali Science Museum one week, the Third Street Promenade last week). And actually we had had a pretty good week too, having had dinner twice already until the blip last night. Johnnie had some cereal although I told him to not eat so much when Lisa was out of earshot. He already knew. We took Claire back to the apartment, still in her period of course, and then one surprise before we took off for Elysee. Johnnie's Pokemon T-shirt that I bought last week had arrived and we went to the package room to get it so he could wear it today. He loved it of course. And so off to breakfast we went, the usual at Elysee, and on to grocery shopping. We shopped for Lisa first and then to Sprouts for me. I didn't really have a lot to buy for today since I already went to Trader Joe's yesterday. So we were done by 10:30. And Johnnie had a full round of Ninjago before we even went to lunch. And then he got to watch some more after our Panda Express lunch too. And I was only all too happy to let him keep watching while I took a half hour nap. After all, all that Roswell binge watching last night had me going to bed at 1 AM. It was all good after the nap though, which brought us to the baseball incident and the disciplining episode. I made it up to him though, not that I felt I needed to. I made him some paper nunchucks. A couple of sheets of cardboard, one rubber band and it was actually a nice harmless weapon that I'm sure Johnnie is going to have loads of fun playing with, just like his newly crafted ninja star weapon he came home with last week. So today Courtney was supposed to come over to Lisa's so I knew she wasn't going to stay that late. It also meant Johnnie wasn't going to do another night of hot tub play and that's ok. At least I got to make him an early dinner: chicken noddle soup and a Trader Joe's bambino pizza. I got to take care of him for the whole day which I hadn't gotten to do -not for an entire day just he and I anyway. And despite my own little blip playing baseball, I thought we had a pretty good day. All I wanted for my Saturday.

Tank Day

It's Friday, end of the week and a payday Friday at that. And simply looking at the amount and realizing I now have $100K in liquid cash sitting in my bank account is enough to be in a space of gratitude all morning. It is good to acknowledge that no matter what happens, I have enough to live on for more than a year already. And so after a round of meditation and locking in a tee time for next Sunday, I waited for Lisa to drop off Claire. I didn't think she'd come early, considering she hung out with us until later than usual last night. But at least she was in a very good mood when she left. As we would find out later it would not last. But that's her. I should have known something was going to be off for her when she dropped Claire off with a diaper. I guess she's in the middle of her period. A non-event for me really, I don't care where she bleeds, she is not allowed on the couch or my bed. In the meantime, I noticed that my schedule was totally clear for the day. It is a pretty good day for a TANK DAY! And so from breakfast on I planted myself on the couch and looked at my recreational viewing options. Turns out I hadn't really binge watched anything in a while. And there was something to watch on all of my subscriptions, multiple ones on Netflix. I realize that I also could have watched something on my learning needs list. I am particularly keen on starting on remote viewing. But really I simply was in the mood to let my brain rest and go on autopilot at least for the morning. Autopilot means not only NOT thinking about work, but also to get to Zero Point. Zero point is where one becomes nothing and that is the source of all creation. It is where one sheds ego and identity and instead be connected with everything. Binge watching Netflix is NOT getting to Zero Point. But since I hadn't had a TANK FRIDAY in a while, it was good to simply be on the couch. And I thought it was perfectly fine to spend the morning with Netflix. After all, ROSWELL has a new season on, Cobra Kai has a new season on, and WinX Saga has a new season on. Not to mention I really wanted to see what in the series Schitt's Creek attracts Lisa so much. I settled on an episode for all the new ones. And that pretty much took care of the morning. I made myself a nice tuna sandwich and tomato bisque soup for lunch and then I realized I hadn't had any activity minutes all morning. And so I got myself out of the house and took a walk around the neighborhood too... at least until it was time to pick up Johnnie. 

Johnnie's Spanish class got moved from yesterday to today, so I had to pick him up by 4:30. Which means we wouldn't be doing the Panda Express/Poquito Mas Friday night ritual from earlier in the summer. Instead Johnnie asked for pizza and spaghetti night and I was happy to oblige. I guess I'm having the kale flatbread from Sprouts augmented by pineapple and more mozzarella. Johnnie pushed for ice cream sundae at McDonald's and he mentioned going into the bigger hot tub in the other building too. I guess HE had an agenda for Friday night LOL. I was fine with any of those since everything was dependent on when Lisa would pick him up and I didn't think she'd get out of her office early. Yeah right. when was the last night she did that? As it was it was not until 7:30 PM that she picked up Johnnie. Not too late, but we WERE in the hot tub when she called. And she was already in the prospective tenant parking lot waiting. Actually she wasn't waiting, when she called she had to start whining and complaining about her day. Again. Nothing I'm not used to. But when she asks question like 'Have I always been dissatisfied like this?' I think it's a trick question. I mean it only cost her her marriage to me is all. I was pretty sure, as always, that she was more interested in actually being in a miserable state than solving her problems because anything I offered as a solution seemed like a non-starter to her. Since she was already in the parking lot I tried to get Johnnie back and dressed and handed off as fast as I could. I mean we WERE having a pretty good time in the tub. One of our M&M moments in fact. And so I get tested by the Universe again. At first, I didn't handle it well, which was to say I handled it like any other time Lisa gets into her dark, negative self. I just wanted to get away from her. I put Johnnie in her car and when she wouldn't leave immediately, I mentioned, maybe I should take Johnnie back in until she was ready to go. I was met with 'Why are you such an asshole'? I did not answer with what I wanted to say, which was 'because you are such an unstable idiot'. Instead I did a quick 'yeah that's really nice' and walked off. It would not end there. JOHNNIE calls me 5 minutes later and Lisa is having a full-on tantrum in the background. Damn Lisa. She's ranting and raving exactly like she did on me Christmas time last year. I do know it's just her finally getting to feel anger which should be ok, unless she's scaring Johnnie enough for him to call me. I got down there with the Claire diapers I had left in my apartment and by the time I did, she had already calmed down. I guess some hoonoonopono focus and releasing and protecting exercises helped. We come to find out what set her off was the sight of all the blood from Claire that had stained all of her beddings in the piano room. And so I did my best to help, which was simply to put those beddings in the sink to soak. She just got overwhelmed. She was much better by the time Johnnie and I got everything all prepped for the laundry next day. And I even helped replace the sheets. I guess it was too much to ask that I was experiencing pleasantness with Lisa interactions for the last couple of weeks. Still, her outburst did not affect me emotionally. Which is a win for me. I got some tacos on the way home like I did many times at the beginning of the year. Except no Pepsi. And then on to binge-watching Roswell. I thought I handled Lisa very VERY well tonight. All good.