No Golf Today

Scott pinged me a couple of days ago that he wasn't going to be able to make it to golf today. My first reaction was 'eh I guess I get to play by myself today'. But then the stronger pull as the morning wore on was simply to stay home. I hadn't done that in a Sunday in a while and the stronger tug was to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. And so I ended up playing hookie with myself. I am becoming more and more aware that the reason I don't get some results I want is that I simply don't focus consistently enough. That much I already know from golf. While I could easily do a really good game like I did a couple of weeks ago, and simply by relaxing and doing not much of anything different other than to simply let myself get in rhythm, I can still have a game like last week that was very much inconsistent. I know I let myself get distracted way too much. And I keep telling myself I need to work on that. Well, today is WORK ON 'THAT' DAY. Almost like magic I let the Youtube videos come up that I needed to see today and I got a whole lot of A-ha's and distinctions today on a whole slew of things.  Here are just a few of them: 

I could have been selling stocks all year instead of buying... and losing. I need to make an adjustment to that mental mindset don't I?

I was triggered last Friday wasn't I? It was my ego for sure. The trick is to expect and anticipate that the ego is going to try to create chaos when everything seems to be on track and going well. It's what it does. I can circumvent this by simply focusing on the POSITIVE stuff regardless. As in why would it bug me that a co-worker is trying to rant and get irritate. Why do I let MYSELF get irritated in kind? She simply needs information. I do not NEED to REACT. Ever.

A-HA And finally: The Universe does not give you what you want. It gives you what you are. It tests you in a very specific way to see if what you say you want is actually what you DO want. It wants to know if you're just pretending. Am I pretending I want to be a millionaire and be financially independent? Or am I backing down from the changes I need to make in my life to get to that version of ME? Am I really ready to live what I say? 

All these distinctions before it was even lunchtime, and in the time it took for me to play golf. hmm. Maybe it's a good thing to take my eyes off the routine and focus on what needed to get done...

So usually the lunch routine from a golf day at Penmar was to get salmon kabobs from Crimson. Not today since I'm off routine. Instead I had tuna sandwich like I would on a Monday and tomato basil soup. And then I took a nap for an hour. All of that before it was 12:30. Of course the result was that I barely left my couch until it was late in the afternoon. It was like I had a sick day without being sick. It was most definitely an R&R day to be sure. I could stay on the couch and pretty much meditate all day, particularly since I know I need to sharpen my focus and be more aware of my thought patterns. Be more aware when Ego is trying to distract me. I finally got out of the house to do grocery shopping. And by then it was almost 4 PM.  And I was rewarded by the most amazing sunset, on Palms Blvd that seemed clear all the way to the beach. Quite an amazing pic I say. I noticed that I was finally starting to get in to Thanksgiving mode, starting with getting some food for the Lisa staff lunch I planned on preparing for Tuesday. That has always been a tradition as well and although I don't seem to get the energy from Lisa that it is actually something she wants to have happen, I do know her staff appreciates it. She seemed to be more pre-occupied with having to host Thanksgiving for her own family. I am not entirely sure what I'm going to be doing for Thanksgiving myself. I figured I'd go a day at a time this week. Tomorrow is still a work day and although I had already finished with the stuff due tomorrow (timecards/HRSA survey etc etc), I planned on bringing my car in for an oil change too in the morning. But it was good to get all the reminders today. The key is to keep reminding myself so I am not as distracted... until I don't get distracted anymore. I know it is a constant battle for focus and attention. And therein lies the work. I simply need to keep at it.